Today’s Word is… MILF

And the F is for fu…..annn……see….fancy works right? Cool.

Summer 2008 or was it 2009, or was it winter time, ah nevermind.  I had just recently met “A” (I really named her a letter lol).  She was a few years older than me, but we hit it off nicely.  As time grew and we grew increasingly flirtatious, we ended up dating well not exclusively, I’m getting to that.   I had gone back to school, she had told me she was pregnant. We ain’t had sex yet.  She had reconnected with an ex and voila (mind you this happened like 2 weeks after I left, I mean we weren’t exclusive, but like, damn.)  There was an awkward period but pregnancy and all somehow we ended up kicking it still.  The father was in the picture, he was just a friend, I was just dumb.  Technically, I was just a friend, he was just dumb.   It was an frustrating situation, I tried to address it but she played the “I’m pregnant doe” every time.  Yada, yada, yada she has the baby, her ex has given up on trying to do right, he bows out, I win by default.  However, I was a 20 year old student, I wasn’t trying to be a father, I tried my best to keep whatever we had, as just whatever we had.  But what we had was different now, I didn’t have a summer fling anymore, I was seeing a single mother.

It was a struggle, while my summer was wide open hers understandably wasn’t.  Her babies father suddenly wasn’t free to take the baby especially knowing the reasons why.  We tried but ultimately it just didn’t work.  The entire experience left a sour taste in my mouth as I was strongly against dating mothers.   Strangely enough I would keep running into them, “Ms. Wit” being one, now I think about it that was probably the reason we never worked out.  She was a lot more free than “A” was, but in the back of my mind I just wasn’t trying to do that to myself again, so I ended up with a childless student who put 10 clubs and her roommates over me. I never win.

My position has since evolved, I’m not exactly chasing moms (though its a cruel deception how women seem to have cake when pushing a baby stroller, its not quite back of a motorcycle worthy but its a decent second) but I’ve been much more open to it than in the past.  Dated a few, and in my other experiences with mothers I found they didn’t work because…

She wasn’t over it- Thats the main issue I’ve had with single mothers, they’re not quite over him or even the situation itself.  Whether it was an ex, one night, some dude you expected to stay, take the time to get over it.  “A” never took the time to assess the situation and wung it to mine and his dismay.  She’s now in a relationship that wouldn’t have worked 2-3 years ago.  I have another friend who’s baby’s father was never in the picture, but still needs time to get over the situation.  Like any relationship, there needs to be some sort of closure.

“You don’t get it”-  I hate when a woman is freaked out about something, I try to console and I’m hit with the “you don’t get it”.  Single mothers thats x100 as she may recall I’m a man, I will never get knocked up and have my own child. That is science.   Isolating me by emphasizing how alone you are is only going to leave you alone.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Bad mother- One of the things about seeing a single mother is she’s already shone in a mothering light.  Even if it’s not my child, seeing yours in dirty clothes before we hit the town isn’t a good look.  Hearing you curse in the background of the phone, not a good look.  Cooking us dinner and the kids eating ramen (this last one didn’t happen to me but a friend, I’ve never dated anyone THAT bad)gonna send me running

No time for me- I understand at best I’m gunning to be person 1-B in your life, but there’s limits.  I’m not a clingy person by any means, honestly I’m more a convenient dater so if I seriously find issue with finding time. There’s a problem.

Then of course there are the perks as well…

Bigger breasts, hips and it get wette…  She appreciates the little things- Quick coffee dates, quiet nights in, just enjoying another adult’s company means a lot more to single mothers that other ungrateful muhfuggas

Not worried about the little things- Well some single mothers have enough on their plate, they not reading twitter timelines and facebook feeds looking for reasons to fight.  They not stewing over petty arguments for days (okay im lying yes they are, all women do)

Maturity- Again have to say some cuz sadly I know plenty exceptions, but a single mother typically is more mature, not in the club, not posting thirst traps on Instagram,  she understands she has to set an example and usually its a better one than her peers.  *scrolls facebook feed* Okay maybe not.

So as open the dating window a little more potential mates in, who knows if I end up somebody’s stepfather, well I got a few years to explore. If I’m 30+ still single, I will just take over some family like Stephen A. Smith took over First Take.

Today’s Word is… UNDERRATED

Soul.

I have 6078 songs on iTunes. Cool story, Stan.  It’s a random collection of mixtapes, albums, and songs other people downloaded to put on their phones but never deleted (I find that extremely rude by the way, its like using someones bathroom and not flushing).  With over 6000 songs it’s hard to pick one to just listen to randomly, so I usually just throw on shuffle and let iTunes figure it out for me.  So as I listen to music go from rock, to dancehall, to rap, to pop, my ears perk up when I hear one song.  It’s untitled (another pet peeve of mines, i have my itunes organized then people download randomness and throws it off), it’s a guy sounds like Dwele, I whip out my phone and shazam it, it is Dwele, I actually had the song already so she had no reason to download it -__-.  But anyway it got me into a soul vibe, lyricism, smooth instrumentals, powerful voices…no fist pumping, no Skrillex, no enhanced vocals. Soul is such an underrated genre.

Like with my overrated post, when I say underrated I’m not saying that other people don’t like it or that it’s even that great. But like neo-soul music, it doesn’t get as much credit as it ought.

Skinny Women- It’s almost a double standard skinny women are often vilified for simply being skinny. While I can say I typically go for thicker women, I wouldn’t say they are the end all be all. Skinny women need love too. Just keep that stomach flat tho, no need for 6 pack abs. Bleh.

Phone Calls- Something about actually calling someone and hearing their voice that seems much more personal.  Texting is too synonymous with multitasking very rarely am I sitting and waiting for your message, I’m probably doing something else (or talking to someone else).  Skype is fun but i get tired of staring at your cleavage the screen and its not like i can look away you’re watching me.

Drawing- Before silly tee shirts, and muttering funny one liners, drawing was my way to meet girls.  Even in college when everyone had out laptops pretending to take notes, I would sit next to a cute girl and doodle away and wait for her to notice.  Now in an era where pencil and paper are becoming endangered species, I still will find time to draw.  Speaking of, this 30 in 30 blog challenge completely took over my #sketchbooksundays on Instagram.

Guess I’m a dog then…cuz…umm…

Stretching- It’s not just a way for women to be subtly sexy, it’s important for everyone to stretch. It’s amazing how many times you go to the gym, see a guy bench press 300 then need the wall to support him as he kneels to tie his sneaker.  I might not lay out a mat and do yoga but I do stretch all the time, throughout the workday and at the gym.

Tap Water- I go to the grocery store and buy two cases of water every month (and Mitt Romney smirk if they forget to ring it) but even then when I run out I turn to good ol tap water.  It kills me how many people act too good for tap water like they don’t bathe, brush their teeth and make ice with it.

Bob’s Burgers- Easily the funniest show on Fox Sunday, well besides when the Cowboys are playing (shots shots…shots shots shots…shots)

Student Discounts- I will continue to use any and all student discounts until I look too damn old to get away with it.  I still want to enroll in a school this month and claim it on my taxes.  HOPE credit for the muhfuggin win!!!!

QWERTY keyboards- I’ve been eligible for an upgrade since July (yes my longest relationships are now Facebook (6 yrs), Twitter (2.5 years) and Sprint (2 years) tragic) but I wont use it because there’s absolutely no new phones with a keyboard.  I own a tablet, I don’t need a mini etch and sketch sized phone to watch movies on and draw clown hair on LeBron’s picture. And Text to Speech isnt as great as you think, I can’t tell my phone to play Kanye West because Google keeps putting Conyay

Anything Handwritten- I drew up a concept for my tattoo; its centered around my mother’s actual signature (i actually revealed this at Thanksgiving now my sister wants it, we gon have problems).  What’s more artistic that something written from your own hand, especially in this Matrix age where they don’t even teach cursive anymore so I feel my whole 2nd grade education was a sham.  When “Ms” had her internship in Thailand (before we crashed and burned) I suggested we write each other as well, it seemed more personal than a gmail or a skype.  Letters are not just for soldiers and convicts.

Dry Cleaners- I love my local dry cleaners.  It’s pretty much my favorite thing about the town besides the ice cream parlor. I take my coats in before the winter, my track jackets and hoodies before the spring.  They come out looking as good as new.  When I need something tailored, I do my laundry and a stain didn’t get out to my liking, or I just need to know my new jacket size, I go to my cleaners.  I swear I’ma buy that place.

Honorable Mentions: Blog comments, Books, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, dating single mothers, Ciara, egg yolks, fitness walking, sweaters, cats, 12pm dates, Facebook (yes facebook), Fabolous, thrift stores, the fact that while rappers steadily pushing failed clothing lines and record labels, Dr. Dre made $110M off headphones

What I miss? Sound off below?

-Stan-