Today’s Word is… FRANKENSTEIN

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When you think of Frankenstein, you think big green monster not the egotistical, nefarious man who created him.  Hell, the thing isn’t even named Frankenstein, but whatever.  I say that to say this, too often we look at the “monster” created and not the creator.  The abhorrent ex, crazy baby mama, the bitter friend, the jaded lover….its easier to just call them out for what they are and not look at who or what made them that way, that would require personal accountability and you just cant go for that like Hall and Oates.  I’m the friend you begrudgingly ask for advice because I’m almost always going to circle back and ask you about the role you played.  (Listens to groans from the “let me vent” crowd).  Monsters don’t just appear, someone caused their creation, whether they want to admit it or not.  I’m guilty of it too, I’ve created my fair share of dating Frankensteins and at least in hindsight I can look back and say, maybe I shouldn’t have led her on, maybe I could’ve communicated better, or that was just rude.  Sorry and whatnot. Others, however, can live in a world of delusion, wondering “why me” because they cannot bring themselves to realize they are the cause of the problem.  Its easier to just say the other person is tripping or not all there. 

For example, just recently a situation arose between a relative and the mothers of his children. (I won’t divulge cuz #familybusiness) His opinion is the usual; they just crazy, he doesn’t know why this keeps happening to him.  To his point, they not the brightest bulbs in the lamp. Then logic sets in and you realize, these things don’t just happen to people.  If it was a book, you would be like “this is a major plot hole” but in real life we make that leap all the time. People don’t just sweat you for no reason.  Women you never slept with don’t just claim you fathered your child (unless you’re famous).  People don’t just catch feelings for people who aren’t leading them on.  Friends don’t just do couple-y things for no reason (pewn..shot fired).  We know these things, we understand them apparently yet we carry on as if we don’t.  That’s not to say “Frankensteins” don’t naturally exist; (*thinks about the absurdity of this sentence*) plenty of people are just unhinged and obsessive. But they are the exception, not the rule.  Most of the time you’re just being an asshole and wont admit it.

We live in an era where people tend to act insouciant to everything, cant react, cant communicate, whomever loves first loses.  People (especially men if we’re being real) are barely allowed to emote anymore.  Its become far too common to be an asshole, and then label the offended as if it came from nowhere.  Behind most insecure “Frankensteins” there’s someone who didn’t reassure them, behind most sensitive “Frankensteins” there’s someone oblivious to how they’re interpreted, behind most emotional “Frankensteins” there’s someone who couldn’t communicate.  The havoc they wreak that’s on you, and well if someone dates any of mine…..my bad.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… BAELESS

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Basically.

So I’m single. Like single single.  No dates, no boos, no baes, no nah means, no ol girl, no new cast and characters, no prospects, no hey strangers.  For probably the first time in years, I spent Valentine’s weekend alone; sipping Honey Jack (rare because I typically don’t drink at home), playing PS4 and watching All Star Weekend.  Don’t cry for me Argentina, its been a refreshing couple months, working on me before I dare venture back out in the treacherous conditions that is dating in the twentyteens.  As much as I’ve spoken to hating dating, the motions of “what kinda girls you like?” “My ex did this that and the third” “you only text me 2 word answers, is something wrong” BLEH.  But I’m a serial monogamist, a romantic, a courter, I’m not fit for this life of not knowing the next time I can get a shot off.  There’s probably some deep rooted issue that I hate being alone but I didnt see it on WebMD.  So what do you do when you hate being single and hate dating (You meet a girl, who is attractive but you’re not all that into, she thinks you’re the most amazing guy ever and you date for 8 weeks, but then you want to be a nice guy so 8 becomes 16. Then she says she loves you so you can’t leave, you carry on playing Prince Charming until she slips up and now you have a reason to leave and its her “fault”, she tries to win you back to no avail but you still smash from time to time because you’re a terrible person.  You’re much less contemptible now but for past transgressions  karma came through and crushed the buildings now you’re spending Valentines with flavored whiskey and Brady. #LifeComesAtYouFast). It’s like the struggle of going to work and looking for work.  Left between peeling yourself out of bed and going to work, and getting up skimming job boards and going on interviews, well, time for work. 

As I prepare to hopefully leave singledom alone for the last time (well in this day and age I can deduce I’m probably 2 relationships away from the woman I’ll end up marrying.). There’s some lessons I’ve learned for the 9-9 and the 2015 that I must remember…

Its okay to be picky- The thing is when you’re single, every one suddenly got some homegirl, bad built cousin or coworker they think would be perfect for you.  If you decline at any point, you’re picky or you just want to be a playa some more.  I’m young, employed and still have a hairline I rebuke thee scraps.

Assume you’re not the only one- Something you learn when you have nobody is that that’s actually rare; there’s always someone waiting in the wings, shooting their shot.  Save yourself the headache. 

Stay off Facebook; it’s just a bunch of engagements & pregnancies- 9 of my friends proposed over the past month. Nine. And all the stories were like back to back on my news feed, fuck you Zuckerburg, go have a kid that will become a Superhero/CEO after you die when he’s 8 because comic books said that’s what always happens. 

Your ex still ain’t shit- You’re single, they’re single, you have pleasant conversations about the good times and where you went wrong.  You think hmm, who knows me better than this person, why not give it a new round. Resist this urge.  They still ain’t shit.

No one respects your free time-
yo what you getting into tonight”
“just chilling with _____”
“something something whipped, iight yo”

“yo what you getting into tonight”
“Nothing just at the crib”
“Get dressed we about to go see whats up with these chicks like 90 minutes away one of them look like Rihanna she a lil chubbier”
“Im good I’m just chilling”
“Stop being a bitch just come out, we on our way to your crib”

Patience isn’t a virtue- One thing I learned that a lot of “friends” I had when I was seeing someone were really just waiting their turn like Drake and Nicki.  Its odd.

Dating websites just aren’t for me- One night out of curiosity I made an account on I think it was OKCupid, i don’t remember.  I answer the questions, write an amazing profile and before I upload a picture, I skim through my matches…….. Ex, my boys BM, girl I hooked up with in college, a plethora of white women who I don’t think liked me, another ex, some obvious catfish, a cousin, another girl i used to mess with….the dating pool is too shallow.

The World hasn’t ended- I enjoyed my weekend alone, I haven’t got to point where I’m just being pitied yet, I can say and do what I want without hurting someone’s feelings.  At this point, I’m just chilling with an eye out in case I left someone but not looking for just, anyone. If that makes sense.

SFW is much more interesting when I have stories to share- So, you know, stay tuned and what not.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… SNOW

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77 inches of snow.  Seventy seven.  Snow tall enough run a pick and roll in the NBA.  Snow always standing in the back of a group photo.  Snow so white, its an Oscar nominee.  Snow be like #occupyallstreets. Who pissed off Mother Nature? Was it the conservatives who think climate change is myth?  Did some little kid see Frozen and wish this shit would happen in real life?  Did I join the Night’s Watch? Did the entire continent shift up to the north pole?  Like, tiny flakes of frozen water fell from the sky and it has taken over an entire city.  In 3 weeks.  I haven’t had a full work week in a month.  I’ve gotten accustomed to a certain standard of living, I’m not here for these short checks, B

*breathe*

So anyway, I’m reporting live from my house because again, snow has decided to shut the city down and well, what’s there to do now?  I mean sure there’s

1. Sex (Unavailable)

2. Procure #1 which is an activity itself

3. Create a Hypoghettical and watch Twitter argue

4. Watch all the Fast & The Furious movies because phuck fyshics

5. Binge watch the Wire and or Breaking Bad because you’re tired of pretending you watch the Wire and or Breaking Bad

6. Post a dope pic on Instagram and watch how many extinguished flames were just thinking about you

7. Master Spanish on Duolingo then turn it to Univision to see how much you don’t know Spanish

8. Make Hot Chocolate….. With Bailey’s

9. Make a Tinder for a last ditch effort to find a Blizzard Bae

10. Start a new recipe only to get halfway through and realize you’re missing an ingredient and you’re not going out in this weather so you substitute with things you have

10a. Upon realizing your version is better; submit your recipe

11. Take pics in different outfits so later in the week you have ammo when someone wants a pic and you look like shit

12. Watch Martin reruns and peep how many times one of them break character and laugh and they were like w.e we ain’t reshooting this scene

13. Listen to the Serial Podcast and explain to others how an 18 year old pothead masterminded a frame job for murder

14.  Go on YouTube and laugh at RKO vines

15. Look outside to see that your neighbor went in so you can shovel without making small talk about the weather

16. Text someone using a bunch of Emojis you never used before even if they make no sense

17. Think of a TV show, Music artist or Movie and look at up on Wikipedia and then just fall into the rabbit hole of clicking links to more entries

18. Binge read this blog from “Start”, watch me go from bad, to kinda good, to basically running on fumes

19. Think of a random person from elementary school then try and look them up, don’t actually reach out, cuz creepy.

20. Get an update on #2…and either make a playlist on Spotify of #LeaveItInMusic or #Sadderday depending on how well that works out

21. Look up a new workout regimen you’re not going to follow

22. Go on EBay and try and win auctions at the last minute to drive the price up.

23. Watch HGTV until you hate your house and everything in it

24. Watch a bad black movie on Netflix, make a new profile otherwise your recommendations are going to look like the dude who sells DVDs at the barbershop

25. Live Tweet a Disney movie with adult sensibilities…because “slave” Jasmine towards end of Aladdin > Princess Jasmine

26. Clean your damn house. That probably could’ve been stated earlier

27. Go on random Instagram followers pages and like pictures

28. Watch an old sitcom and think about how much easier it would’ve been if they had smartphones

29. Start a bunch of games in Words With Friends and Trivia Crack you’re going to not care about in 3 days

30. Write a blog post on things you could do on a snow day even though this was written Sunday night so when most people read this, I’ll probably be like

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All day.

31. Make a GoFundMe so I can move somewhere there isn’t Derrick Rose level of snow outside.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… THUG

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So what is a thug?  By definition, it’s a criminal.  What is a criminal, someone who commits a crime.  What isn’t a crime? Being a black person. 

So what is a thug? It has become the Coke Zero version of the n word, used in the same degrading context that it might as well be the “t word” (sorry t word has already been taken; would you like to try t word01, t word_, word.t). A year after Seahawks cornerback shared these very sentiments, it appears no one has learned their lesson because this year the thug scope has been aimed at Sherman’s teammate Marshawn Lynch.  Not for being loud, aggressive and outspoken like Sherman, he actually wants to just do his job and go home.  Thug life.  When thug isn’t being misappropriated to an athlete, its being used to describe an unarmed police homicide victim, the President, the author of this blog.  Now what do we all have in common? *cue Jeopardy music*

So what is a thug?  It’s the Coke Zero version of n*gger.  It’s n*gger but don’t take my job, it’s n*gger but don’t call me a racist, it’s I need to feel okay with unarmed teens dying, it’s I need to still feel superior to a black millionaire, it’s why can you people say the other word and I can’t. 

So what is thug? To me, its a slur.  I’ll go out on a limb and say if someone refers to a black person as such, you meant the other word.  They meant to dehumanize, they meant to devalue, they meant to stir up a certain feeling of disdain.  In short, words means things and I wish people especially in the media would stop insulting our intelligence by feigning ignorance to the context of what they’re saying.  When they call Lynch a thug, they aren’t thinking about Bond villain henchmen or the Indian muggers of the 1800s, they are thinking “a contemptible black person”. 

So what is a thug?  It’s not to be taken lightly, it’s not a racist cheat code, it’s not a Super Bowl winning Running Back who won’t give a quote.  In the same way society frowns upon white people saying the n word (unless you play wide receiver for the Eagles) I hope eventually words like “thug”, “ghetto”, “hood”, “inner city” become just as despised because we’re not naive and know exactly whats being implied. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… TWITTER

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One of my first barbershops I went to was this half barbershop/half salon up the street.  It started off strictly two separate establishments as dudes with braids & sistas with fades grew more trendy the masses joined together and not long after a Battle of the Sexes was waged.  Initially, I was “young blood” being talked through, not to, by men and women alike trying to win their respective debates under the guise of giving me some game.  As I got older I partook in some of the dialogues but eventually, I just wanted to get my “regular, 1 1/2, skinny chinstrap, leave the goatee” and go about my business. So, I found a new barbershop.  It got exhausting debating hypoghettocals like “So you wouldn’t smash your cousins ex if you only met her one time before at a party and she don’t recognize you now” with a bunch of people whose opinions on the matter don’t actually mean anything.  (Also my regular barber got locked up Free “Dread” Bwop Bwop *air horns*).    That’s how I feel about Twitter or “Black Twitter” as the media outlets like to call it sometimes; it just gets….exhausting. 

Now if you follow me on there, you know I’m fairly active on Twitter.  At its best, Twitter is great at getting and reacting to news in real time or consuming media.  Whether its the Superbowl, Apple Press Conference, a State of the Union address, Twitter is the go to for context, opinion, and them jokes (and of course trolls but they get half a bar…..y’all know the rest).  Then there’s times when there isn’t really any news, no game is on, no TV show with a cult following on; its a Tuesday morning and people are at work? more or less getting their barbershop on with outlandish opinions, with mentions and RTs providing credence to the nonsense.  It feels like I’m back at the old barbershop. Everything is a battle.

I’m in my mid 20s, corporate job, Gemini, no kids, under 6′, attended a PWI, have a Samsung phone, PS4, Boston sports fan, indifferent on the weight and hair choice of dating partners, somewhat traditionalist, lean liberal, and I like Turkey Bacon.  That right there is about 35 twitter debates, except I don’t feel the need to turn every aspect of my life into a societal debate.  It’s not so much that I think celeb X is attractive, everyone must or else prepare for battle.  If a 21 year old wants to think her husband must make 100K, why must the league of 30something Twitter rain judgement upon her and tell her she can’t because they didn’t?  Why can’t a song be a song or a movie a movie without someone putting their own agenda into it?  We do we even care when it has no actual bearing on our feelings, our lives.  I remember the barbershop wars would get so heated, you would think these were couples arguing and not strangers and acquaintances that wasn’t checking for each other anyway.  So why even invest the energy? Who cares?

We care. We all do.  It’s a natural urge to defend when one feels attacked, even if the attacker is a sassy stranger getting a roll n set or just some miscellaneous person on Twitter.  Over time, that urge wanes when you realize ultimately that person doesn’t matter.  “Don’t feed the trolls” “Its Just Twitter” “I Know Somebody Like It” much easier said than done when confronted with some fuggery.  I’ve gotten better with just rolling my eyes and keeping it moving but on a good day, I will go off.  But you know I’m being better in 2015, channel your inner Kanye n whatnot.  I stopped going to the barbershop, I could just as easily delete Twitter……

….nah.  Its too connected to my TV watching (cuz some shows are just unwatchable without live tweeting) but I will make it a point to take some breaks when I’m fourfiveseconds from wyling because some people, well, I just wonder who raised them

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… PROCLIVITY

[Editors Note: A quick peek into my creative process

*New Post*

Today’s word is… TYPE

Damn I did that already, maybe a repost with added commentary? 

*reads*

Nah, wouldn’t fit.  I guess this is more on preferences

lToday’s Word is… PREFERENCE (D’OH!)

How about proclivity, if I’ve done this one before I swear Today’s Word will be End and I’ll quit only got like 3 readers anyway…

Nope never did proclivity.

Wait, am I using that word right?  Of course I am.

*googles to make sure*

Ooh I like how penchant sounds better…maybe I should flip a coin to decide. (I never carry change)

*downloads coin flip app*

Okay now I’m just stalling…wait, what was I writing about?

Writers. We’re all weird.

Now to our feature presentation…]

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So I don’t go no type.  Bad bitches is the only thing that I like.  Skinny, plenty, black, white, I date who I’m interested in and who’s available at the time.  So I was talking to a friend about a crush of hers and how she felt she had a good shot because his ex wasn’t overly attractive.  I found this development interesting because had she never seen her she would likely be intimidated because she would assume he was into, well, not her.  It’s a normal fear that comes with any hey booing, you never know what they like and if you qualify.  However, seeing an actual representation of someone they would date and presumably find attractive, there you actually have someone to compare yourself to. It was interesting to hear this come from a woman and if this was common, the idea that you would be more attracted to someone based on their type. 

As someone who occasionally has thought themselves out of approaching someone, I wonder if I would be more or less inclined, even subconsciously, to approach that same person if they dated someone who looked like Gucci Mane.  Would I be turned off or would self assurance kick in like ” psssh, I can do that”.  What if her ex was like Idris Songz (or whomever y’all man crush Mondays be these days) would I still be filled with that same bravado?  Probably. I’m fly.  Seriously, I would like to think I’ve  never self disqualified; I’d like to think most people are as random as I am with preferences.  Honestly, I find it odd when someone has a strict “type” it just comes off as fetishized and dehumanizing  (see: white women who make it a point to note that all they’ve ever liked was black guys, black guys who are all about latinas and can’t tell the difference between Puerto Rican and Salvadoran).

Enter social media, where you don’t even have to try and project what their interests are and who they be with, you can just see it for yourself.  Your “competition” for lack of a better word is right there.  Every ex, bae, boo or suitor in a scouting report curated by Mark Zuckerburg and the good folks over at Roc-a-Fella records.  My social media is frustratingly boring, so I’ve been told, so one would just have to ask me (like they’ve done a million times), I’m just going to describe them and smile (like I’ve done a million times) because it really wouldn’t matter if my “type” was exotic instamodels, and hers were 6’5 lightskinneds there we would be together so we would both be full of shit. (Or we would just be…typos *cue rimshot*).

I guess my point here is that type or proclivity doesn’t matter much.  Spoiler alert, we tend to say one thing and do another (pun intended).  The confidence boost more or less a placebo, stepping to someone because you think you finer than their ex be advised, results may vary. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… JUDGE

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Lol.

We all judge.  They say don’t judge a book by its cover but if I see a video vixen holding a gun with bricks of coke in the background titled Trap Lady: I Nu It Was Time; I feel like I know exactly what kinda book that is and its intended audience (#40) Impressions matter, appearances matter, words matter.  There’s a negative connotation that’s always associated with judging, it’s always used to elucidate unfair, prejudiced thought.  Hi Respectability Politics brigade.  The other misconception is that to judge means one thinks they are better.  When I say I judge someone its really to say, “hm I wouldn’t do that” or “I wonder what’s the story is there”.  As an INFJ (#37*), I observe, I wonder, I theorize.  My “judgement” is moreso rooted in curiosity.  Just the other day, I ordered a veggie burger with real bacon, the cook probably judged me, but he’s considerably older than me with a mohawk, so I’m judging him (#46*).  (But for real its like he’s Jordan bald and then this crimpy strip of hair or its actually braided, like who is braiding this inch wide strip of hair routinely….you don’t have the answers Sway.  I judge people every day, sorry Tupac I’m inquisitive.  I can’t help but wonder why some people say and do things.  There’s probably a valid reason for all (25? 100?…eh I’ll do 50) of these things (okay some are inexcusable) but hey, ima judge anyway.  Cuz only God can judge me.  Boom. Flipped that.

50) Mets fans (this includes my father)
49) People who wear pajamas in public
48) Men on the subway who dont at least offer their seat to a woman
47) People who purchased a Wii U
46) Grown men with mohawks

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#45

45) Owners of selfie sticks
44) 2015 Blackberry Owners
43) Paid Journalists who just post screenshots of tweets
42) Chitterlings eaters
41.5) People who didn’t know that’s the proper spelling of “chitlins”
41) Dudes at the kickback who take pictures holding bottles they didn’t buy
40) Self published Literatcheture Authors who never edited their work
39) Parents who bought their kids heelys
38) People with “backup” Instagrams
37) People who qualify statements with personality types or astrological sign
36) I love Makonnen fans

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36.)This isnt I Love Makonnen...or is it

35. People who go to Hookah bars
34. Grown men with cornrows
33. Women who don’t want their man to watch adult entertainment
32. People who don’t eat fried chicken (this includes my beloved Reine)
31. Men who don’t like any sports
30. People who lose 10 lbs and start selling Herbalife
29. Black people who strictly listen to hip hop only
28. Bougie black people who think they’re “ironically ratchet”
27. Pedestrians who press the light even when you was letting they ass cross
26. Raider fans
25. Black men without facial hair not named Barack Obama
24. Anyone who still uses hotmail (again, my own father)
23. Men who do suspect things to “mock” women

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#23

22. Women who follow Joe Budden
21. People who don’t have a favorite Michael Jackson song
20. People who cheat in Words With Friends
19. Dating advice gurus
18. Anyone who liked Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
17. Big girls who fail to see the irony in casting aspersions on smaller women
16. Parents who take their kids to school without hats and gloves
15. Whoever be making fake deep memes comparing Jordans to slavery
14. People who celebrate month “anniversaries”
13. Lil Boosie

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12. Dudes who don’t even think about washing their hands in the bathroom
11. Able bodied people who take the elevator in the gym
10. Women who comment on BallerAlert
9. People who say “natural hair isn’t for everybody”
8. Men who won’t let their hairline rest in peace

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Let it go, let it goooo

7. Women who wear waist trainers
6. Bill Cosby conspiracy theorists
5. Black men who just log on Twitter to talk down on black women
4. People who leak nudes
3. Poor black conservatives
2. Homophobes
1. Deadbeat parents

Honorable mentions: 
People who get tattooed by amateurs, People who want to know why there isn’t a White History Month
Dudes who send unsolicited dicktures, People who make gofundme’s for selfish causes
Anyone who still rocks Girbaud jeans

-Stan-

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