Today’s Word is…. GYM

[Editors Note: Here’s an oldie but a goodie, with a few addendums…. Enjoy]

I’m an extroverted introvert. It takes me a while to adjust to my surroundings. When I do get a decent temperature for the room, I act accordingly. It’s a trait that took some development, as in high school I always felt I wasn’t welcome even the times I actually was. In college, I turned it up a bit too high, where I went completely shut down to just unbelievably arrogant. These days, I’m learning to accept that ain’t nobody worried about me, just live my life. I’m attending more events, being more open, I’ve come a long way. Perhaps the biggest example of this is at my gym; where I’ve eventually came into my own. I remember when I just felt awkward, every whisper or snicker I felt was directed at me.  As I stopped giving a damn and remembered why I was there in the first place. I’m much more into my own, headphones blaring, head nods to the familiar faces, smiles to the pretty ones, I feel at home.

Well not really, personally I rather jog, play basketball and work out at home, but Planet Fitness’ “break up with me face to face” policy keeps me coming back.  (I have since broken up with Planet Fitness, I joined a YMCA which introduced some new characters, thus the update) As I go now, it’s funny seeing the different types of people there, my music almost providing their soundtrack.   You have the….

Beibers- They’re the skinny high school kid who’s come to “beef up”, they almost never even look at cardio machines just straight to the dumbbells and bench presses.  (Note I don’t have any Beiber on my ipod just couldn’t think of a better analogy)

Biebers.

Jay-Zs- The old people who somehow be killing it still.   Don’t you dare get off a elliptical before your senior neighbor, makes you want to reevaluate you’re whole life. 

Lady Gagas- Okay I have 2 songs.  Gaga’s put more into their outfit than their workout, they try the flashdance shirt look but always got to stop and adjust it.  They only use the stationary bike, hip apductor and leg extension so they can tweet that they’re at the gym.

2 Chainz- He is EVERYWHERE.  You can’t go on a machine without him popping up, “Hey I’m using that”.  He spends so much time defending his territory you never actually see him lift anything. 

Rick Ross- He’s the big guy who is way too comfortable with public nudity.  His shirt is way too small, can’t raise his arms without it flying up like a crowd doing the wave.  He even throws in a “ugh” after a set. 

Nicki Minaj- Like the Gaga but only does stretches and squats, pleasant to look at but from a workout perspective don’t understand why she’s there…

Drake- He’s pretty much there to hookup with any woman there.  He doesn’t do much else, but he used to be better so no one minds

Wiz & Amber- (They back together right? Good cuz I can’t think of a replacement) You see Wiz by himself and he oes his thing, when he brings her he can’t seem to do anything without some kinda PDA attached.  They basically are roleplaying trainer and pupil.

Diddy- He’s the guy who wears sunglasses in the gym. Douche.

Dr Dre- The guy with the obnoxiously large headphones that everyone within 4 ft can hear him.  You gotta turn your music up louder just to drown out his. 

Beyonce- She’s the already fit woman who sometimes brings her friends along to own them.  She’s not nearly as helpful as she thinks she is, some would say it’s intentional.

Rihanna- She’ll flirt, smile if she catches you looking but she ain’t worried bout anyone up in there. Also she always looks high

Kendrick Lamar- Sit down. Drink. Work out. Drink. Wipe machine. Drink.  He’s pretty much a camel, not that there’s anything wrong until you need to get water and he’s refilling his gallon  

A$AP Rocky- He’s the walking Dick’s Sporting Goods store. Every accessory possible: Headband, under armour, gloves, knee pads, elbow pads, etc he has on, and of course they’re all color coordinated.

Pharrell- The “new black” or in this case, the new fat. They lost weight and now suddenly they are the expert on all things fitness and if you could just do what they did they’ll be no issue

R Kelly- There’s this one dude who is always with this girl who is young enough to be his daughter but he, well, doesn’t treat her like his daughter

Young Thug- I get its a gym but dude comes in already smelling like ass, 2 divorces and spoiled Hummus

Andre 3000- He’s the guy, that comes, kills and then disappears for weeks.  Oh wait…..that’s me.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… COMFORT

Editors Note: This was supposed to be a different post entirely and turned into just me thinking out loud….just ride with me for a minute

So I was shopping for clothes, because fall is the season for stunting on muhfuggas.  After a long summer of not working out as much, ordering out because it was too damn hot, and getting plenty of play anyway, well let’s just say I put on a few pounds.  Now, since I lost the weight over a year ago I wore a L regular, I tried on shirts in that size and….I got them on.  They made due now but will I be able to wear them in November, not so sure.  (For the record, I’m going to get my shit together, more D&F posts and all that).  I opted for XLs to be on the safe side.  I wasn’t happy with where I was but there was only so much to be done at this point, so I will deal.  That’s what comfort ultimately is, you’re just okay in your ways.

Comfort is a gift and a curse, its satisfying to feel content with a situation but its also a trap; get too comfortable and you never change.  Jobs, dating life, living situation, eventually you just have to tell yourself this is cool, but its not good enough.  Its something I have to remind myself of constantly.  I spent last summer comfortable in a long distance situationship only to be gut checked and realize I wasted a summer being enamored with words on a screen.  I spent this past summer climbing up a corporate ladder while looking longingly at the escalator for creatives. And I spent this summer chilling out maxing relaxing all cool and now my shirts have an X in them again.  I regret nothing, but I still can say, I can do better than this.  

I’ve always been more realist than dreamer, as more INFJ types tend to be.  I don’t think I fear failure as much as I look and run 5 simulations before I leap.  I admire dreamers who just don’t care and just do.  Several childhood friends of mine decided to be rappers, they’re terrible but I’ve written songs and books that’ll never see the light of day so they are doing better than me in that regard.  Reine is a big dreamer and I admire that about her, even if some things are just flat out insane.  Realists are not always confined to comfort, I can recognize dead end situations and will hit eject and others well, if it ain’t broke…

I think we all need a healthy dose of comfort and unpredictability.  I want a steady paycheck, to go home to the same pretty face, to be confident in my own appearance and ability, but I don’t want to do the same thing for 40 years, I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m not happy in, or to be so comfortable that I’m 350 lbs and still making the same salary I did at 23.  Some people march to the beat of their own drum, they are a barista at Starbucks in Hollywood waiting for their big break.  It might work out for them but that person isn’t me.  And I’m comfortable with that.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… MOTIVATION

Haven’t did a diet/fitness post in a while, primarily because there’s nothing new to report and I might’ve gained a few pounds….a couple times.  I’m getting my act together, slowly which is much harder to do in the summer.  It was this time last year when I started to take the foot off the gas, I had lost 50 lbs in 4 months, you couldn’t tell me ish.  Fall rolled around and I pulled through, holidays was the worst days, I was sipping egg nog when I was thirstay.  Spring was just…and now I’m here.  The final 25 ish lbs is now a steeper 40, the issue: Summer is the worst the to get motivated.

It’s too hot to do anything some days, ain’t nobody got time to be cooking, cookout season, pretty ladies everywhere you just want to get fly and be out.  But no, I may not be excused.  Well over a year into this I thought I’d be done, or been quit and just found a woman with a penchant for teddy bear brothas and my blog would be about the transition marriage, kids and sh t.   But here I am, on another muhfuggin nutrition and exercise guide because you know, I’m not a dieter, I just dont eat a lot.  The Manly Man guide, Thinsgiving and the What Would Jigga Do plans worked out pretty well for myself and others who played along, this one will be I don’t know I got nothing….maybe I will think of something and this sentence never happened, if you can read this then I failed. Welp.

1) Water man, water man, water man, water mighty good man- I honestly been slacking on my water, went from 15 cups daily to chugging down a bottle just to make 8.  Personally, I just hate having to use the bathroom every 25 seconds especially at work.  Summer makes this a bit easier as it’s hot as hell and I’m not likely to drink anything else. 

2) Get me on the court and I’m trouble- How can you get a triple double in a pick up game, what the hell was they playing to? 50?  Anyway, while I’m not the biggest fan of the gym in the summer (i still go because strength training is still important), nothing beats a jog or running some ball while the sun goes down and mosquitoes chill….slightly. 

3) Flex In the Kitchen- The kitchen isnt just for women who says Koby is in the Super Bowl to get some attention on Twitter.  Take full control of what you’re eating, make it yourself.  Basically avoid take out at all costs, when it is too hot to cook, but there’s always sammiches. With no mayo, it’s gross.  Just thought I

4) Can’t see it coming down my eyes, so i gotta make this log cry- I used to log everything I was eating, then i started doing it mentally, then I stopped caring.  Its a tedious task, but in an era people take pics of their food before they bless it, why not just log it and hold yourself accountable. 

5)”Eat clean” – Michael Douglas- You know the usual sneak a veggie in each meal, yogurt for breffis, all that good stuff there’s a million blogs and articles on

This time last year, I was sure by August I was gonna be walking around with no shirt cuz i don’t give a fuh bout my haters long as my beaches love me.  It ain’t quite work out that way, we’ll see what happens when August 2013 comes around, quick math says 16 lbs @ 2 lbs a week, which would bring me…..exactly where I was in August 2012..D’oh.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… WEIGHT

I’m talking with “coworker” and she says she wants me to help her lose weight.  I personally try to steer clear of this, one because I’m in no way shape or form a weight loss expert, I lost weight but I also got A’s in Calculus, now it looks like a foreign language to me.  “I only really wanna lose like 10 lbs, just like my stomach and thighs” I’m completely uninterested at this point. “Coworker” got a sneaky hot body already so maybe this is just one of her ploys to talk to me more after her whole incident at the mixer.  But aside from that I get annoyed when people talk about losing weight and only cite certain areas.  It’s become a pet peeve of mines.  Actually a lot of things have, in regards to diet and fitness.  There’s so much misinformation out there that even a self proclaimed non expert like myself can’t help but be like wtf???

I’ve tried them all at some point. I’ve popped a Xenadrine  i’m sweating….WOO. Teas, shakes, 6 meals a day, fasting, heavy lifting, light lifting, AM workouts, PM workouts, cheat days, cheat weeks, strict clean eating, 2000 calories a day, 1400 a day…at the end of the day I’m 83 lbs lighter (Yes still I have yet to lose a pound in 2013 give or take fluctuations) and have no idea why.  I guess that’s more a testament to how really unjustifiably bad I was before. However if there was anything I’ve learned so far….

Pay for quality– I’m notoriously cheap.  I thought I could run 3 miles in my old Air Forces, homemade cleanses work as well as any one their selling, the green coffee bean extract pills on EBay are probably legit like store brand cereals, Planet Fitness is a quality gym for the price #shots.  All wrong, Well PF is cool if you find a decent one.

Accountability– No, it’s not all water weight, no muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat, and you know Damn Well that wasn’t a 400 calorie meal you ate.  These were all things I had to accept at some point.  I remember when I got under 250 you couldn’t tell me anything, next thing you know I was 265 again.  Sometimes we get in our own way.

Challenge Yourself– Even way back in the day when I went to the Y with my friends, my favorite machine was the leg press.  I had strong legs, when all else failed I would leg press 500, 600, I even had a school gym record of 900 lbs(someone would top it at 1000, he was on PEDs I’m still convinced),  I couldn’t do much else but that was where I owned.  Yet I couldn’t do proper squats or lunges.  I could do an hour on the elliptical but only jog in 2-3 minute intervals. I wasn’t pushing myself and the scale/tape showed it.  Dropping to 10 lbs in a month was cool, deadlifting 10 more lbs than I weighed that week was cooler.

And most importantly…

Results may vary– The reason I never care to give advice is because what works/doesn’t work for me might not have the same effect on someone else. For every rule of thumb one has I bet there’s 50 articles debunking it,  Running vs Jogging, whole eggs vs egg whites, strength vs cardio, short workouts vs long workouts in essence nobody really knows. Only thing that’s the consensus is watch what you eat and get off your behind. Well unless Sensa and Lipozene apparently they’re miracle burners. #moreshots

riiiiiiight

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… PLATEAU

Weight loss update: I’m exactly where I was month ago. D’oh.  I actually did great on Thanksgiving, it was the entire week following it.  I blame egg nog, cheesecake and Domino’s pan pizza.  But what’s done is done and it’s time to get back on track for this finally stretch.  27 lbs in 28 days is utterly impossible (maybe 213 in 2013?, 14 lbs in 4 weeks, is about what 3 lbs a week, yeah maybe thats pushing it as well) so in this final stretch it’s time to get as close to 200 as possible.  Whatever Brandy, almost does count. But first I need to bust out of this plateau… (is it considered a plateau if you lost weight in 2 weeks, gained more back and lost that again to coincidentally break even…I don’t care I’m not changing my word anyway). So alas my plan going forward  get past this plateau and move put more energy to other phases of my life that sucks, you know like the love life, career, lack of network, etc.  To make it easier to remember (and probably a lot harder to write) I’ll name the steps after Jay-Z songs/lines. After all, it is Jigga Day tomorrow, yes Jigga day is an actual day.  I’m not a stan tho.

What Would Jigga Do

“I will not lose”- The obvious one. I cannot get disheartened.  Granted I expected to be done by now, 100 lbs in 9 months is totally doable according to the internet, maybe because I never actually buy the plans that they plug at the end of the articles. Shrug life.

 A Week Ago ft Too Short- It really was all good just a week ago.  I had conquered the Thinsgiving challenge, I had actually lost weight, so what happened, hubris met hungry.   I started to eat larger portions, ordered out twice, figured I would just burn it off.  Then things came up I wasn’t able to make it to the gym, I walk 2 miles a day but that wasn’t exactly making up for the extra amount I was eating.  Obviously, I can’t do this anymore, can’t allow myself to get cocky now I’m not finished yet.

“Get ya weight up…not ya hate up”– Lifting heavy versus lifting light is a battle as old as left Twix versus right Twix.  There’s benefits to both, lifting heavy builds more muscle which burns more at rest.  Lifting light leads to larger burns during the actual workout. Simple solution do both, focus on getting the most reps at my max weight.  Honestly it’s something I regret not keeping better track of before

Run this Town ft Kanye West & Rihanna- I need to start running again.  I’ve beat the elliptical to a pulp over the past 9 months, my body is probably too used to it.  Running presents a much needed change of pace even though I’m woefully flat footed and Wu Shin Splints aint nothing to f*** wit.   It’s too cold to run outside (I seriously don’t get how people do it), and I hate treadmills..I’ll figure it out.

“You starting to look like bread”- I tried to cut carbs, but it be calling me.  Carbs make me really lazy, pasta especially, thus not hitting the gym, thus gaining weight.  It also makes me look puffy no Diddy.

At least he’s exercising…

Can I get A… ft Amil & Ja Rule- No more ordering out for real this time.  It’s convenient when I don’t want to wash dishes, forgot to thaw something, etc

Change Clothes ft Pharell- Perhaps the biggest inconvenience of all is that I only fit about 30% of my wardrobe.  I wore a 2x, but probably had even bigger because I didn’t want to look bigger than I already was (it doesn’t make sense but it does).  I’m down to a large (can even pull off ‘slim fit’ clothes although its not really my taste) and all my old clothes are going to be a hefty tax deduction.  So in essence I can’t go back, the bridge is burned.  If that’s not a motivation tactic, I don’t know what is.

So on that note, we’ll see what happens in a month.   Cool, awesome, bye.

-Stan-

 

 

Today’s Word is… THINSGIVING

According to my diet-not diet plan, I’m still on schedule.  I’ve lost 6.6 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks.  But now comes the boss battle: Thanksgiving.   The time for food, fun, family and football.  As you know I aim to keep my meal plans as unlimited as realistically possible, especially since I’m doing this by myself; if I set too many strict rules I will break them. Who’s gon stop me? Me? I’m not going to beat myself up like I’m Jim Carrey before he started doing all those sappy dramatic movies chasing an Oscar.  So I will have cheesecake, my egg nog, my turkey with gravy.  But I will set some guidelines as well to assure I still have a thinning Thanksgiving…a Thinsgiving if you will…

WEDNESDAY

Pre-day Fast- I’m an intermittent intermittent faster.  Some days I commit to it 2 days a week, others no so much.  But tomorrow it’s nothing but water and maybe small veggie portions.

Breffis.

THURSDAY 

High Fiber Breakfast- After fasting, to avoid going ham at Thanksgiving I will refuel with a high fiber breakfast, probably oatmeal with apples and nuts.

Workouts- Today is naturally my rest day but I think I will work out today and rest tomorrow since I’ll be fasting and don’t want to do both in the same day.  Thursday I will get a workout in the morning, and try to sneak something in after eating, maybe I’ll bring my PS Move or something.

Portions- I cook with plenty of low fat ingredients so I don’t worry about portions as much as I should.  However ,since I’m not cooking I have no idea whats going to be in anything I’m eating, so to be safe eat a little of everything.

Mingle and stuff- An easy way to not overeat is to stay busy, talk and mingle with friends and family and not just stuff my face with food and alcohol because some drama is bound to go down and just want to stay out of it and not get drunk quickly so you dont have to go pick no one up or go to the store

Alcohol- I’ll go with wine, drink my L straight, and not get so riled up over the Patriots game I get too drunk I forget all about this guide

Seriously, you not going to make any sacrifices- Okay no dark meat, cranberry sauce, or sweet potatoes…

You don’t like those anyway- Fine, no stuffing, chips/dip, or egg nog…

Don’t become this person.

FRIDAY

Requiem- Thursday will be bad enough, but if go and do the same thing Friday and Saturday then I’ll surely see it on the scale the next Monday.  I fully intend to enjoy my holiday, and my holiday alone.  Friday it is back to business as usual.  I’m realistic that I probably won’t lose three pounds this week but if I come out this weekend even at the same weight I was prior I’ll take it as a win.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… DIET

I’m not a dieter, somebody lied. I got a whopper in the car, with some fries.  *Rick Ross grunt*  I actually hate whoppers, mayonnaise bleh.  As some may know, I’m on a tear to lose 100 lbs by the end of 2012. I’m about 25 lbs away (currently weighing in at 227, no Marla Gibbs) with 2 months to go and statistically speaking as things go currently, I will fall short (i lose about 1.8-2.2 lbs/wk =14.4-17.6 lbs, so maybe I’ll just lie and threaten people to keep up the lie like Lance Armstrong).  However, that’s on my current path, which isn’t the most neatly paved one.  I eat what I want, when I want and pretty much cancel it out via fasting and intense workouts.  Going forward, I will take a better road, becoming a little more aware of what I’m eating.  I won’t call it a diet however; diets to me I think about sweating bullets resisting the urge to eat a cookie. Damn that I’m a grown man, if I want a cookie, I’ll eat a cookie. What the following is more of a manly masculine male guide to follow for the next 58 days *cue explosions, chainsaws , bikini clad women and pitbull barks*

awwww yeah.

You don’t win friends with salad: That line alone is why “Lisa the Vegetarian” is still my favorite Simpsons episode, that and “Homer versus the 18th amendment”,  I’d actually pay for my own Netflix account if they had The Simpsons on there…okay I’m rambling.  If you’re out with people you’re not thinking about healthy food choices, especially if you’re with the homies.  Simple solution, bring lunch instead of going out with coworkers, find other date activities besides dinner.

Nothing fried, died and laid to the side: This something I been doing actually, give or take a few times I just wasn’t trying to wait 50 years to bake chicken.  Being able to grill also helped but now summer’s over I don’t want to fall into the habit of frying food.  I haven’t bought oil in a while and I’m not a fan of cooking spray so without the means it’s kind of hard for me to do anyway

Taking out Take Out: Easier said than done, I’m incredibly lazy. Most of the time I get fast food its because I don’t want to cook or don’t want to wash dishes.

 The cliche of all cliches, eat your vegetables.  I eat plenty of fruit but I need to sneak in more vegetables into more meals besides dinner.  Load up an omelette with some, snack on carrots instead of grapes, and I could have a v8 but they’re gross.

 

 

Blame it on the Alcohol: If Diddy released a Ciroc Zero today, I’d write him for President on Tuesday.  I’m not a big drinker anyways but I will limit drinking at almost all costs.  Light beer tastes like disappointment anyways.

White Power: I haven’t ate too much red meat period, going forward I will cut it out completely.  Pork as well (i know i know its not red meat but still bye bacon).

Black Power:  All white is not created equal, I will also cut white rice, white bread and white pasta, in favor of brown rice and whole grains

Then there’s, logging food to stay accountable, continuing my normal exercise routine, and no cheat meals; there’s a day for that called “Thanksgiving” coming up.  We’ll see where I am when its all said and done, maybe I’ll give an update next month assuming i’m not failing miserably.  It’s still not a diet tho.

#loselikeaman

-Stan-

 

 

Today’s Word is… FITNESS

2012 will be remembered as the year of health.  This year I dedicated myself to just being healthy, physically, mentally, spiritually.  I’ve already touched on my spiritual journey, today the physical.  I was blessed with nice hair and skin (dark dont mark) so that was the easy part, I never had too many bad bouts with acne, and my father beat it into my brain to never ever ever ever ever ever ever put a razor on my face.  My body itself left little to be desired so I sought to change that.  Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down…

I was always an active child, especially compared to this iphone toting, soda for breakfast kids the FLOTUS Flower Bomb been trying to save. That active child became a nerdy teenager with average athletic ability, that nerdy teenager became lazy undergrad who actually took the shuttle to classes, that lazy u-grad became a lethargic 23 year old man.  I actually joined a gym in late February 2012 as a way to relieve stress, wasn’t remotely worried about my weight.  The gym had a scale so I figured why not weigh in…Three Hundred Two pounds.  (O.O).  I was an area code, not even a known one like 212.  I was Delaware -__-. Things had to change, and what a coincidence I was in a gym…

That first workout was horrible.  I wasn’t exactly a stranger to gyms, I went to one on campus for a little bit but I just looked awkward.  I went home and hit google hard, how to lose weight, beginner workouts, searched my height and weight to see if anyone out there knew my plight.  I stumbled across one blog, I don’t even remember the name so no plug, he talked about how Xenadrine helped him.  I decided to try it, YOLO, as one would say.  My first workout on it, 65 minutes on the elliptical, 45 weight lifting, I didn’t feel tired at all.  Then I got home and got ready for bed, I didn’t feel tired at all.  The weight was coming off 5-6 lbs a week but then I lost my pills (well it wasn’t just that, it was the one day i forgot a lock, i got cleaned out they stole some headbands, socks I bought, luckily i keep my wallet and phone on me,  and I live in a predominantly white neighborhood, had it been anyone else I would’ve been the only suspect).

Not there yet but getting warmer…

Before I went to re-up I decided to just try to workout without it for a week see how it works, 3 workouts: 65 minute elliptical, 30 minute weight lifting, 3.4 lbs lost.  I blew $30 on a damn placebo, I had this.  Along the way I added supporters, initially it was pretty much a secret that I was even trying, if I failed I didn’t want to be eating at the cookout and people asking me “how’s that diet you was working on” in their best Stewie Griffin voice.  I’m 238, I’m not sure if I’m still an area code, but I came a long way from the guy that took out his earrings like that was going to make the scale budge.  What I do know is I’m probably in the best shape I’ve ever been and i’m only 65% to where I aim to be.  I do miss some of my clothes, but I guess I’ll lock them in a china cabinet and put a “Break in Case of Fat” sign up for now.

 

-Stan-