Tag Archives: hanging out

Today’s Word is… CHILL

“Yeah it’s my birthday today”

“Oh Happy Birthday….you look pretty today what you doing later”

“Probably going out….wait aren’t I always”

“Pretti-ER I should say”

*360 windmill eye roll and goes back to work*

Reason #48592 why you can’t compliment women ever.  Women tend to look at things for what they aren’t instead of what they are.  This is especially annoying to me because I’m very blunt and direct, there’s no Da Vinci Code in my words.  People get this they just choose to not understand it.  They rather make their own conclusions and deductions like conspiracy theorists who think secret societies which have existed for millennia are manifesting themselves in Jay-Z videos.  This holds especially true in dating, or lack thereof.

Traditionally speaking, if a guy asks you out he will call you up or ask face to face (not text because they would expect an immediate answer and not have to be just watching their screen like they’re playing Final Fantasy in 1998) said girl on a date.  That is not to be confused with merely hanging out or chilling. They’re not in the same league, don’t shoot at the same basket.  Men like dating, men also like enjoying a woman’s company.  Dating, as much as it’s encouraged to be yourself you’re still dressed up, trying to put your best foot forward.  Women who come over to hang out are a lot more lax and you get better glimpses in who they are.  Yet for the most part, “chilling” just rubs some women the wrong way.  A study by the Bureau of Made Up Statistics say 73% of Women are just opposed to it.  An actual poll of mine suggested it was more 50/50.  The common reasons why she’s anti-chill

Just wants sex-  Plenty of women think hanging out is just guy speak for “you coming to get this work”.  The paranoia is instilled early that men are ruthless sexual deviants that if a woman lets her guard down for a second we shall pounce.  It ain’t that deep.

It’s not a date- We don’t rock the same clothes, hit the same spots, cuz its levels to sh*t. Word to Candy Crush Saga.  While we’re still spending time, the vibe is typically more light and casual and for some women, they’re not here for it.

He’s Just Not That Into You- Worse thing you can call a woman who is romantically interested in you, a friend.  Chilling at the crib instead of being wined, dined, hit from behind, the writing is on the wall that your role has been determined, thanks for playing.  Of course women don’t take rejection well, ironically, as they are willing to go on dates with guys they aren’t interested in but won’t subject themselves to just be friends with someone they are.  I’m sleep tho.

Alone Time?- This one I sympathize with, its always odd when you over someone’s house and there’s already like 10 people there.  Even if nothing is going down, I’ll rather it’d be me, you and at most a few others.

It’ll become a habit- If a man is interested in dating you, he will date you.  Even the brokest dude will find somewhere to take you if he’s that invested.  If you have to ask why y’all always hanging in the house and don’t go anywhere, you should know the answer.

Looking at them both for what they are and not what they aren’t, dating and chilling are both necessary.  If all you do is go out on dates, you’ll find yourself more caught up in the courting process than the person. If all you do is chill, you’ll never be taken seriously as a suitor or as the courted.  The key is finding balance.

-Stan-

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Filed under Dating, Relationships

Today’s Word is… DATE

As you know I’m not a big fan of the single life, it’s cold out there, let me inside.  However, the one thing I give it over relationships is that I do enjoy dating.  One, I’m great at first impressions, Two, it gives me an excuse to do things I want to do anyway, Three, I love meeting new people.   Some people I date because I have genuine interest is a relationship down the road, others I simply enjoy their company.  Sometimes the lines are crossed and I’ve been hanging out and they looked at it as a date, and I thought I was on a date and it was just hanging out.  I’m pretty much the same way on either so what’s the difference between the two?  What is a date? What are the rules? What changes it from being hanging out?  The obvious difference is intention; but sometimes you just don’t really know.  I’ve gone into dates thinking it was a date, picked up red flags/bad vibe/etc and quickly called an audible.  I’ve also hung out and tried to make it as date-esque as possible.  Through my fails  experiences, I’ve determined:

Dates don’t take place at home- Light all the candles you want, dates don’t happen in the crib (or dorm).

It takes two- Well obviously two people but I mean in the sense, dates usually consist of two activities, looking back there were times I went out with a girl and we went our separate ways after, needless to say I ended up in the friend zone after.

Dates are made in advance- This one I learned the hard way.  Like I said earlier, I typically like to date to do things I want to do anyway. If I’m hungry I’ll suggest we get something to eat, if I want to see a certain movie I’ll ask you to go.  Every relationship advice guru in the world tells women never accept same day dates but I try anyway.  Also women take 37593 years to get ready so they need the prep time.

Tone- We’re too cool for our own good sometimes. “Can I take you out for a drink sometime?” is too humbling, if you get told no there’s nothing around it you just gotta take it.  “You wanna grab a drink sometime” is an easier way even if she does decline but if she accepts you can’t really own up to it either.  I have a habit of asking out in the most vague, platonically ways possible (years of rejection does numbers on you) and then it backfires when I’m not sure if its a date or not

Looking back on dates or hang outs I had and what ultimately happened later on, it was pretty much clear where I went wrong in drawing the line between the two.  For example, my last “date” with Broke Poem Girl (that was like a while ago, I really should get out more), she actually asked me out t she did say “let’s go to brunch” so I thought okay we’re just hanging, then she changed the date to the slam and wanted to get dolled up, so I thought okay maybe it’s a date.  I went business casual she had on skinny jeans, Hangout. Then after the show, she suggested somewhere else, date. However, I had lost entirely too much interest and called it a night. Hangout.  Another time, I had asked a girl out to dinner and drinks, Date? She just invited me over and we ordered in, Hangout.   I also got welp it’s getting late, kickout.  It’s cold out here.

-Stan-

 

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Filed under Dating, Love