Daily Archives: December 17, 2012

Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

So I’m out shopping and this girl hits me up.  She happens to be out shopping as well so we naturally we came on the subject of clothes.  She talks about some stuff she bought as I her, I point out that one of the first things that attracted me to her was her sense of style, contrary to say the woman in Tweety Bird pajama pants and sneakers who just walked past.

 “So if we were gonna chill and you seen me in that what would you do”

“I would walk away like I didn’t know you

“Blah blah blah patriarchal society, objectification of women, judging people you don’t know they struggle”

“She’s in a mall shopping tho, but aside from that you’re saying roles reversed you wouldn’t look at me differently”

“Nope, I don’t judge others on appearance like you”

“Wasn’t you doing #thingsIfindattractive on Twitter the other day”

This went on for a while, she started losing and started reaching.  However, it brought up an interesting point, typically, as women are quick to nitpick and reject, men simply aren’t allowed to.  You don’t like any type of women its attributed to some sort of brainwashing or judging.  I remember on another blog, the writer made a comment about his dream women and it spiraled out of control when the Spike Lees pointed out there weren’t any sistas on the wall.  In this case, she got mad because hypothetically I would reject her if she wore pajamas and Jordans out in public.  I think the outfit wouldn’t bother me as much as the clear lack of a damn given.  We can’t read minds at the end of the day it all comes down to appearances.  Good or bad, the way others see you is the way they’ll perceive you.

This is what’s hot?

That isn’t changing.  Sure there’s plenty of people being judged unfairly but there’s also people who need to understand there’s a time and place for things.  Pajamas in public could be some sort of statement. I look at it as you probably didn’t bathe before you left your house.  I’m admittedly self conscious, I try to look my best in any setting.  Being an African American man, there’s the obvious thing about my appearance that I cannot change.  Things that are constantly reinforced, in cases like Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis.  My skin tone alone comes with its own stereotypes and judgments, at the very least I don’t need to do more add to it.  I shake my head when other black people cause scenes, I don’t know them but I feel shame.  They represent my race, whether fair or foul.  We are all judged on appearances.  Going against the grain doesn’t change much.  The idea that I wear a tie instead of a du-rag to work is somehow some sort of cultural imperialism is silly, just as the fact that if I’m take a woman out I expect her not to wear pajamas and sneakers is not me treating women as a lesser sex.

When I was 16 I dressed a certain way, I was never the toughest guy but I did look the part.  The reason I did was I wanted to come across as someone who was hood, someone who wasn’t a 4.0 student, someone you didn’t want to mess with. I told you before how that backfired ,karma karma karma karma chameleon.  Now I dress a certain way because I don’t want to perceived as anything I’m not.  They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover but when you’re in a bookstore what grabs your attention first?  In a perfect world, everyone everywhere would wear what they want without judgement, but in today’s world whether one wants to admit it or not there is a standard.  There’s casual attire then there’s lounge wear, sexy then there’s over the top slutty, your size and too damn small.  We’re all being observed, we’re all being judged, you never know who is watching so I make show I look and act accordingly.



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