Daily Archives: December 6, 2012

Today’s Word is… PLATONIC

“You and ‘coworker’ seem to be hitting it off.”

 A colleague of mine says, more like inquires actually, he was expecting me to dish. Besides her, he’s the only other person I really talk to there. We talk about sports and work and such, but even if there was something going on, I’d probably tell y’all before him.
 “Nah, it ain’t even like that…she’s cool peoples”
“For real”
*She enters almost on cue, says hi to him, does like some weird thing and strokes the back of my neck as she passes*
*shakes my head*
Maybe she does like me.  But I’m not going to go that route because
1. Smashing coworkers is never the movement
2. I might be off the market very soon
3. I’m working on having more strictly platonic female friends #nocraigslist
So the verdict, neck strokes aside, she’s just a friend.
Yup, ladies get friend zoned too, go and brush your shoulders off.  Although I don’t look at my female friends as being friend zoned or vice versa.  Friend zones are often associated with one sided attraction and just as a man I can’t say I’m absolutely unattracted to any of them.  Most male/female interactions begin with some sort of attraction whether it’s instantaneously physical or simply saying something that grabbed their attention.  However, at some point we, her or I decided it wasn’t best to pursue a relationship.  My closest female friend, for example, after starting off like any other courtship, we ultimately decided to leave it as just friendship.  I can say I have no nagging doubts, never wondered “why not me”, and I can’t speak for her own thoughts but she’s never asked “why not her”?   My other close female friend, it was a matter of timing.  We dated, it didn’t work out, now we’ve been friends so long it’d be simply awkward to even think about going back.  Of course there’s others who it doesn’t work like that.  To them, friendship is a consolation prize, a form of rejection.  Men tend to take rejection as it’s part of a balanced breakfast, while women take things a bit more personally.  I’ve had women gladly accept the role of friend, but eventually wonder why they aren’t being offered the part of “girlfriend” and quit.  Sometimes, I have only myself to blame, playing oblivious and being selfish.  This typically comes with trying to remain cool with exes, women I actually have zero romantic interest in, ignoring the elephant in the room that they want more than friendship.  There’s also friends who eventually for fall or I them, neither planned nor expected. Cupid is a sneaky lil bastard.
In essence, it’s 50/50.  I believe men and women can be platonic friends but it usually works within certain contexts.
1. I believe the friendship must be based off more than a secret agenda to have her legs on your shoulders
Common interests, mutual friends, if all convos are “what u doing” and flirting, you’re kidding yourself, you’re not friends.  You’re courting. You suck at it but you’re courting.
2. Don’t do couple-y stuff
I remember a while back I was dating “She”, she went to lunch and grabbed a movie with a male friend.
 “So are we seeing other people now or…” 
“No we went to lunch and happened to pass a theater and went to see a movie, we (referring to me and her) do that all the time” 
While her intentions meant well (i assume), you never know his.  Easiest way to not get things mixed up, don’t mix them up.
3. Truly uninterested in each other
Honestly, if a woman found me completely unattractive, I probably wouldn’t like her.  I’m not the best good looking guy but I’m at least a “cute” damnit.  Be married or a lesbian at least.  Non attraction is the easy way to assure nothing ever goes down, it doesn’t have to be physical.  Like I said I’m physically attracted to a majority of my female friends, but I have reasons why I would never go that route, and they have theirs, apparently im a heaux.  I’m not but whatever it keeps things platonic.
Platonic friendships with women seems like such a hassle so why does one bother.  Because sometimes you just need that female perspective.  I have 3 sisters but our relationship dynamic is different, my private life is private as is theirs.  Men, we look at things differently, like my boy at work can’t fathom an attractive female coworker being into me and me not slamming home the clear alley oops she’s tossing up.  Overall, I only have two female friends, a couple of associates who there’s too much romantic chemistry to leave as strictly platonic, and some others who I probably would toss our “friendship” out the window on a good lonely night.  However, they all fulfill a need and are all play a role in my life.  To pursue a relationship or even complicate things with sex is more trouble than its worth. “Coworker” i’d say is a mere flirtationship, passes time, gives confirmation that my sarcastic faces, and jokes throughout the day are not all for naught.  Now why would I throw that away?

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Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan