My little sister’s best friend used to have a big crush on me, it was the cliche “first older guy you really talk to so you grow to like him” thing. Although we were actually the same age, but because her birthday was after September so they made her wait another year to start school, so she ended up in my sister’s grade and not mine. I never understood that rule, I hope I have all summer babies. But anyway, nothing ever went down, One my little sister didn’t play that; I was off limits to her friends. Two, I wasn’t even attracted to her, I just flirted because she really was the first girl to show interest in me and three, although my mother would never say it to me outright, she didn’t want me to be with a white girl (yeah I know the title of the post kind of spoiled the build up but still). I remember when my brother first came back to stay with us, all he would do was gush over this girl, his first love, my mother instantly asked her race (he did live in the suburbs after all). He told her spanish, she nodded and asked more about her. He then unpacked a picture, straight shoulder length auburn hair, blue eyes, pale fair skin, she was mixed but if you looked at the picture, she looked like a white girl. The look on my mother’s face was priceless, it was the same look she made whenever she would see my sister’s friend pretend to act interested in whatever nerdy thing I was doing. She wasn’t racist by any stretch, she had plenty of white friends (token excuse) and her best friend was married to a white man but for her sons she preferred otherwise.
Over the years, we would both date cross the spectrum and my mother would eventually get over it but she was only one obstacle. Despite it being 2012, I’ll still get side eyes from black women if I’m out with a white or Asian woman (okay I dated two asians both was blasian and I never got any sideeyes with but i will count it towards my diversity quota). Perhaps more so now, fat black and ugly as ever, black women was like “y’all can have him”. It’s the same way with black men, you can have Fantasia Barrino just give us Paula Patton and Kerry Washington back. However, I’m not one of those guys who exclusively dates one race. if I’m with a white woman its for the same reason I’m with a black woman, she was attractive and available. It doesn’t mean I won’t come with a black woman next time. If I order pepperoni pizza it doesn’t mean I don’t like mushroom, okay I do hate mushrooms but you get my point. Black women aren’t the only ones, black men won’t disapprove but they will still miss the memo. I remember when I was on a date I passed one of my boys from around the way, he kind of gave me one of those “I see you now” looks like she was just an accessory, or some sort of token of wealth (psssh we were both broke). Regardless, if I’m dating outside my race I’m not with her to make a statement, or because she’s “easier” or that we both have credit scores in the 650s.
Of course that’s just me. I know black men who only date outside their race because black women are too high maintenance, and black women who date outside their race because “brothas ain’t ish”. I shake my head at both. Quality, relationship worthy women/men come in all sizes and colors, trying to brand one race as the good one to increase your odds of finding one is pure laziness. Everyone should be open to dating whomever but if the first reason why you are is because the one you prefer is this, that or the third, then you’re in it for all the wrong reasons. Every woman that ever broke my heart was black but that doesn’t mean I should only date outside my race from now on, just because you’re not a size 4 anymore doesn’t mean you should only date black guys now, just because your black boyfriend cheated on you doesn’t mean a white guy won’t. #Petraeus.