“I need a man, not a boy” – probably 83% of all hetero women dating profiles.
I remember one day I was talking to “Miss” and I jokingly said I was going to write a relationship book titled “You’re Doing too Much”. (Actually just might one day, my before im 30 bucket list has “publish writing” on it, it’s either that or a novel, I mean E.L. James isn’t too great a writer and she’s doing quite well #noshade #nopunintended #imgoingtofeelthewrathofGreyGroupieslater #imrambling). The idea of the book was simple, relationship advice book for people who are too reliant on relationship advice. Most bloggers/matchmakers/divorced comedians are really just feeding out generalizations that seldom apply to everyone, but sounds sensible enough you just accept it, like Omarion’s singing ability. *re-reads paragraph, turns down ether levels*
So alas here is the kinda sorta sneak preview to my non existing as yet to be titled copyright pending book, chapter I: Let Men be Men
He sees you, he is attracted. You see him, the same. He approaches you starts up conversation (oh yeah it’s 2012..) he messages you on Facebook as you two talk about what your interests are, who you be with, things that make you smile, what numbers to dial. You go on a couple dates, you like him he likes you, you two decide to be in an exclusive relationship. Now in the relationship, you’re unhappy. He rather play Madden than go to the mall with you to pick out an outfit for a party he also elects not to go to. You force him to watch reality TV but now feel uncomfortable because he’s checking out every chick on the screen. He turns it to ESPN, you roll your eyes. He loses his job, you make more than enough to support the two of you until he gets back on his feet. One day you ask him to make dinner and come home to fried chicken no vegetables or anything just chicken. You don’t want chicken you rather go out for dinner/drinks now; you put on a dress, he throws on his McDowell’s t-shirt and a fitted. You hate that shirt because it’s so awesome random people always stop and inquire about it. As expected, cute waitress compliments awesome shirt, you brazenly pick up check in attempt to emasculate him. You even elect to drive home since you took your car. He rolls eyes and uses his phone during ride, you notice he’s way too happy after you just defeated him. You start to wonder what he’s up to when you’re not around. You start feeling insecure. Now you’re on all you’re favorite blogs looking for signs he might have a sideline chick. You start having trust issues and accusing him of things, he can’t take it anymore, ends relationship. He now only hits you up to “chill”. You’re on social networks talking about how all men are the same.
No, that wasn’t meant to be read in the DirecTV commercial voice. Yes, that was based on a true story. So what’s the moral here, to let a man be a man. Men are far from perfect, the guy in the story certainly. However, men command respect. Respect their time, respect their space, respect their role in the relationship, respect their judgement. If a man rather watch mid-season baseball than go to the town parade let him be. If a man is accidentally logged on Facebook that doesn’t mean read his messages. Support and encourage him but understand you can’t “train” a man, only dragons. The judgement is truly underrated, men are not sex crazed idiots completely weak to another’s advances. I love women I couldn’t imagine going a day without seeing one whether its a boo or a stranger, however I’m a man of commitment; when I make one, I stand by it. Also insecurity stems from within, it comes from even subconsciously knowing that you are not on your job….actually that might be another post entirely (and yes for those keeping score that’s 3 posts I have to do….eventually). To be honest, it doesn’t take much to keep a man happy, most relationships fail because of timing and misplaced expectations.