So I run into a girl I used to talk to, we catch up for a second. I almost forgot how much I was feeling her at some point, but for whatever reason whether it was my aversion to titles or the fact she never spoke up; we never were technically more than friends, although we were clearly involved.
“Yeah, I know all too well”
She smiles and literally bites her tongue, she had more to say but she knew she already won this round. That was one of the things I liked about her, she was a witty and sarcastic as me. However, like me she would use it to hide real feelings and sell it really well; perhaps that’s how we ended up here. We exchange numbers, although I’m not sure what my next move is yet, I miss her company but she wasn’t exactly the one that got away. I hit her up that night, pick her brain. We catch up on a lot and ultimately we come to the elephant in the room: what happened between us?
What it ultimately boiled to she wanted a relationship, I didn’t, she let me cook. I kinda knew that already. Why we stopped talking in general, was she felt some type of way when I actually turned around a got in a relationship (Madame). ”The better woman won .” Still with the sarcasm. Funny she said that as Madame was far from it. To be honest, I never saw it as choosing one over the other. Madame was somewhat of a whirlwind romance, I met her one day we were a couple the next. I think had we just dated a while we would’ve never been official. Me and “Ms.Wit” dated so long I never saw reason to be official. So what is the ideal timeframe to actually take things from dating to exclusivity?
In my experience, its usually sooner. Even though Madame was a flop, at the time I felt there was something there I wasn’t getting from my casual dates. ”She” we were actually friends for a while (she had a man when we met), but the second she was available to date (keyword available, not just single) I was on it. Now I think about it most of my girlfriends we were together within the first month or two. The times I waited, it never materialized, I already
showed I ain’t sh*t got a gist of what type of relationship it would be. From there comes “friend zone”, completely cut off or forever waiting like Tim Tebow. I trust my instincts if after months we aren’t an item there’s usually a reason why. With Ms.Wit, there was no concrete reason perhaps because I was already getting free milk (I was like 19-20 after all). I still was dealing with “Her”, and I was enjoying being single. Guess you can call that poor timing. There might’ve been something else I’m not remembering. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out.
All in all, the transition from dating to exclusivity should be a smooth one. You should both want it, shouldn’t be an ultimatum or a “sure why not” #pewnpewn #shotsfired. It should be a direct dialogue of expectations and feelings, not a game of chicken. It can also mean sacrifice whether its withholding pink matter or simply walking away from it all. Ms.Wit knew things weren’t headed where they ought, knew when to fold em, got to respect it. Dating casually for years, ain’t nobody got time for that.