Today’s Word is… EX

I consider any woman I used to deal with an ex.  We dated, we kissed, I saw your boobs, and now I no longer have access to said boobs, you’re an ex. Others would limit it to people they had exclusive relationships with.  Whatever.  Exes are a walking, talking testament to your relationship failure.  You thought they would be the last person you ever dated, boy you was wrong.  Personally, I harbor no ill will towards exes, she’s not getting half my income, I’m going to move on, she didn’t try to kill me; why be mad? 

I’ve said before here, some exes I’m still cool with.  I don’t want them back, they don’t want me.  I fell for her because she’s awesome, she fell for me because I’m a nice guy.  If a relationship doesn’t work that doesn’t make her less awesome, or me any less nice (well apparently it does, since I’m the break-upper but it is what it is, in short it’s Wii.).  People are too extreme with their emotions, fall madly head over heels in love with someone then suddenly hate everything about them to the point they can’t even date someone of the same race or even gender these days. If every relationship was supposed to work out we’d all marry and live happily ever after with our first loves.  But what causes the polarization of love to hate.  How can you go from love to hate.  Or do we all just kid ourselves?

Exes are pretty much in 3 groups; broke up perhaps too soon, just at the right time, and way too late.  As expected my relationship with them now reflects it. 

In “Repeat”, I basically summed up the too soon ex, they’re the “hey stranger” ex. You don’t quite remember why you didn’t work, so it’s tempting to try and see where things go.  Of course, what follows is the awkward moment you remember WHY you stopped dealing with them in the first place.  They’re tricky; they can almost seem like the one that got away, but up close they are the one you got away from. 

The right time ex, you know why you broke up, but it was amicable.  Just wasn’t ready, maybe it was a bad breakup but after some healing you’ve both moved on, basically there’s no desire to go back or push away.    

Then of course, there’s the too late ex.  Breakup to makeup, invested all the time and energy into, the one your friends know ALL about; the Voldemort.  We all have one, because for some reason we just couldn’t shake em and when we finally did the damage was done.  In general, we often wait too long to breakup.  We ignore the obvious red flags, put up with so much that we literally have to break before we walk away.  It can all be so simple, if you’re unhappy; leave.  Yet we never do, we wait for that push, that straw to break the camel’s back.
Instead of saying, I’m unhappy, one strays.  Instead of saying I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, one waits to catch in the act. 

The reason I have no qualms with most of my exes is that I understood it wasn’t working out and moved on.  Of course, I gave time and space to heal but I try to stay the same guy who won her over in the first place.  I took my own time to reflect and grow, even when my pride screamed win her back. Breakups are so common in day to day affairs I just don’t see how or why I should make it more dramatic than it has to me.  Keeping good, caring people in my life always seemed like a better idea than letting my ego turn me into something I’m not (doesn’t hurt I’m 11-2 in breakups #DumpGod, Okay never mind that sounds gross).  My exes all made me learn something whether about relationships in general or just something about myself.  In that respect, they served their purpose in my life, so we good.

-Stan-     

Today’s Word is… IRK

I rarely have dreams and when I do they’re either weird, a telltale sign that I’m oversleeping or both. I always say I’m going to write them down before I forget but I say a lot of things. I’m lazy.  But this dream in particular i remember bits and pieces vividly.  It was an outdoor wedding, friends and family all make cameos, it’s my wedding….I think.  I’m either the Groom or a Groomsman, I just remember fumbling a ring around in my pocket, not a wedding band but an engagement ring.  Am I proposing?  Did I get dumped?  I look at the ring, it’s huge diamond and sapphire, that’s “She’s” birthstone, was this…..BEEP.  Dream over, I’m awaken by some jackass honking his horn for a neighbor.  I mean it’s 2013, you couldn’t just text them to come outside, actually get out the car, walk up a few stairs and ring the doorbell, and it’s Sunday, one day I actually get to sleep in.  I hate people like that. 

I check my phone, 3 missed calls, drunk text rant about how I’m not answering, and my phone barely charged.  It’s going to be that type of morning I see.  I go to the gym, which is full of plenty of it’s own annoyances.  Today is going to be unpleasant if only there was something to cheer me up like memes mocking Drake and Miguel Hulk Hogan leg dropping a fan on a live awards show. I complain to my friend, she says I hate everything which couldn’t be farther from the truth.  I don’t hate anything really, things just….irk me. 

Like I don’t hate Fox News, it just irks me
People who applaud at the end of a movie in the theater irk me
Tyler Perry movies irk me
Bandwagon fans irk me
Traffic irks me
Pandora ads that buffer irk me
Flo Rida irks me
“Was that tweet/blog post about me” texts irk me
People who still have ringback tones irk me
Parody twitter pages irk me
Colin Cowherd irks me
People who don’t know the your/you’re difference irk me
Dudes who wear sunglasses in the gym irk me
People who talk to me with headphones in irk me
People who steal my tweets and post them as Facebook statuses irk me
Exes who call me “stranger” irk me
Fake eyelashes irk me
Women who screenshot texts irk me
This colored lipstick trend….well it’s getting there
Supermarket tabloids irk me
Mayonnaise’s whole existence irks me
Strangers on the subway who touch other people’s kids/pets irk me

But you know…besides that….I don’t hate anything.

-Stan-

             

Today’s Word is… DISCRETION

I’m a picky eater.  I eat cereal and salad dry, 9/10 will go to any restaurant and order a burger, because it’s almost impossible to mess up a burger (although I’m eating better these days so I’ve learned to expand my options).  My sister brought this up when expressing her frustration that my nephew like me, is extremely picky.  She doesn’t know how our mother dealt with me, even though it was simple, what I didn’t know didn’t hurt me, “what’s this” “Dinner. Eat.” So upon entering college with a hefty meal plan at my disposal, I was free to eat whatever I wished.  Omelettes, waffles, burgers, pizza, turn down for what. The result,  60 lb weight gain.  The moral of the story what’s convenient isn’t always what’s best. 

So I was talking to a friend, topic ventured to sex and relationships.  I had asked was she open to something casual or was she shut down like Derrick Rose until she was in a relationship.  She said the latter and when asked the same question I realized that by default I too was shut down.  I thought about all the golden tickets I returned to sender lately, wasn’t intentional but I just knew it was best not to go that route with some of them.  “You’re a man of integrity so I can see that” she said. “Yeah Yeah” “Awww your integrity ain’t keeping you warm at night” It really ain’t. Neither are those degrees.  However, as a pseudo attractive, eligible bachelor, I’m like 18 year old me at the dining commons again.  Exes, crushes, coworkers, e-boos, turn down for what….because the aftermath  is not worth it for xxx minutes of pleasure.  Sure I can be the guy that can cash in the ticket, we grown, she’ll be iight, I’m in pursuit of my own happiness.  But that’s just not me and Me knows that’s not her (yes I said Me knows, just roll with it).  Maybe there is something to that INFJ personality type I keep contesting. 

As we get older we learn the value of discretion; leaping at every possible opportunity isn’t necessary especially when I consider what exactly I’m looking for long term.   Men are raised to be hunters, to slam home every lob tossed up their way, if not something is wrong with you.  Sure if you’re not attracted then it’s easy. If you are, then it’s much harder to have mind control over Deebo. The flesh is weak.  The best you can do is focus on the consequences, losing a friend, job, or making up some narrative that she will go “Snapped” on you if you smash then pass.  Also, it comes from understanding she isn’t about to be your last hurrah, know that there’s always a better opportunity out there.  Of course easier said than done when it’s cold outside (and it is the month of May this some ol bullish) she’s texting “when you’re going to come see me”.  

Perhaps she could use better discretion, double standards suggest that I’m just a blaaaack man coming to you from the Southland and I can’t control my urges. Furthermore, she should’ve knew what my interests are and who I be with before hooking up and it’s her fault.  She can be naive, I can be a man.  Or I can just act like I didn’t see it (because outright rejection never works, women will rationalize every reason you have not to but that’s a different post), she can just find someone who doesn’t have her best interest at heart and I…well I have my integrity.  -__-

-Stan-      

Today’s Word is… NEWBREED

In a month….I’ll be 25.  Yuck.  People typically think I’m much older because how I act, although I resent being told I’m mature for my age like I’m not already a grown damn man. I think there’s phases of adulthood, 21, 25, 30 and/or your child is old enough to realize you don’t work, drive and don’t have a spouse.  I’m actually glad to be distanced from the 18-24 demographic, with whom I primarily see myself fitting in with as well as LL Cool J on a country record.  This especially goes for the under 21 crowd, who I commonly refer to as “newbreeds”, they are just…..different.  There’s almost another generational divide, my brother is 6 years older than me and our teen lives where drastically different, I look at my 18 year old brother and wonder, where the hell they find you?  Their almost a different species.

Newbreeds are easy to spot, they dress like all the bad trends from the 80s, their hairstyle from the 90s, and speak like older rappers from the 00s. They wear socks and underwear from designer labels so they have to wear their pants half off or up too high, to show them off.  They wear graphic t shirts of bands they never heard of, but they heard they make her dance.  They’ll  congregate by the thousands outside of sneaker stores to be the only one with a new Air Jordan sneaker.  The irony indeed goes on for miles as the lines do.  They’ll then wear the shoes a few times, take enough photographs to confirm ownership of said sneaker and then sell/trade them to acquire a different sneaker to take more photos in.   They love to express their individuality but somehow all look, talk and act alike.   

Newbreeds roam in packs, refer to everyone as “bro”, they love to proclaim “no new friends”, but follow/add people they don’t know.  They are bosses without employees, hustlers without a craft, yet carry a huge sense of accomplishment and bravado.    It’s best not to engage with a newbreed, they will refer to as “cooked” or “tripping” when ironically it’s them that is in such state.  Their mating skills are that of portraying a false sense of wealth on social media, and solicitation of pictures and invitations to “chill”.  They are quite the peculiar species. 

As I said, I’m not exactly old, yet when I look at the average 19-20 year old, I feel like Morgan Freeman.  What caused this widening of the gap, you can say a spoiled mentality.  I didn’t get my first cell phone until my high school graduation, I know 8 year olds with ipads.  Materialism is instilled at a young age, I look at old photos I have nice brand name clothes but it was never to a point I knew exactly what was what and how much it cost and how much my peers clothes cost.  Women’s standards have lowered, once again due to materialism, being fresh gets you farther than sincere courting these days.  Or you can just blame Lil Wayne for everything.  Yeah, #blameWeezy.

-Stan-     

Today’s Word is… FRESH

It was just about a year ago.  I had grew extremely tired of my job and was tired of complaining about it, I needed a change of scenery.  I set my plan in motion I compiled all my sick/vacation time and jumped both feet into the job search, my plan was to never have to come back.  It was a risky bet, had I failed I would have to go back, tail between my legs and wasted time off that could’ve been used for well, time off.  I had a few interviews I thought went extremely well, and right when I thought I was going to have to go back to my old job the next week, I got an offer.  I was ready to give my notice, was technically “fired” instead and because my boss was in his feelings, not only did I just have paid time off but I would get another check for that same vacation time that hadn’t processed yet. All I do is win. 

At least that’s the abridged awesome version, actually it took months of interviews and searching while working but it was hard to do both.  I needed that time off to really get focused on what I wanted.  One foot out and one foot in wasn’t quite cutting it.  It’s a recurring theme in dating, while “single” there’s always still that back up, that ex you’re not quite over, the one person you like more than the others but not enough to be in a relationship with, they’re the job you don’t want anymore but take up all the time and energy as though you still do.  A job is still understandable, quitting a job without a plan is just irresponsible, but as far as dating why keep that person around you know you already peaked with?

I keep meeting people with their parachutes in tow. One in particular was open and honest about it from jump street which I can respect but not sure if I understand.  More times than not, people are in such situations because they’re either not as single as they portray, or just really reluctant to let go of a sure thing.  But eventually it comes to the choice, what you already know or the clean slate?  Do you call out of work to make that Wednesday morning interview? The clean slate seems like the obvious choice but it never seems to work that way.  Perhaps they aren’t looking for a fresh start just validation of a relationship in addition to the validation of being desired. 

Whenever I’ve been faced with the old flame or the new start, I’ve always gone new.  If the old was as real as it seemed I wouldn’t be considering someone new in the first place.  But that’s just me I guess.  When I got that job offer I couldn’t have accepted quick enough (but didn’t it backfire, look I don’t need that now) not so much because of the position itself but I was just that fatigued from the same old same old.  I didn’t want leverage, I didn’t want flattery, I wanted something fresh.  Others rather take the ego boost and go right back to the same situation and hope it will change.  Power to her I guess.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… SPORTS

I’m weird.  I have a blog in 2013, I read ehow and Wikipedia for no reason, I hate hot sauce and cream cheese yet eat Buffalo wings and cheesecake, I hate when my tie doesn’t match my dress socks, Oh yeah and I still have a fuggin cat.  One of the things that has always made me not *as* weird is my 4th love; sports, the others ahead obviously being women, music, and writing.  My love for sports started where most young boys love for sports begins, my father.

Father’s Day 1993, also my 5th birthday.  I don’t remember much about the day, I mean it was 20 years ago but what I do remember is it was Game 6 of the NBA finals, Bulls vs the Suns.  My father and my brother was ready to watch the game, I was 5 so I thought I was grown I wanted to watch too.  My father called my bluff figured I would be knocked by the 2nd quarter but I watched every last second.  The Bulls would win that game and their 3rd consecutive championship, and I just remember the coronation of Michael Jordan.  He was the GOAT, I found the celebration as entertaining as the game, the passion, the joy, I wanted to be part of that one day.  I became a Bulls fan, I became a basketball fan, I wanted to play basketball.

I don’t remember what I had got for my birthday initially but I know it magically turned into a basketball hoop that next day.  It got old quick, and then Jordan retired but the love of the sports remained.  I never was the most athletic (although I was a pretty good baseball player back in the day) but as participant or spectator, from the age of 5 it was something that I just gravitate towards, just as most people do. But why do we throw billions into an industry that’s primarily centered on people playing a game?

For me it began with the camaraderie. I wanted to be “one of the guys” watching the game. That can also be applied to fanhood in general. It’s the unspoken fraternity (well not fraternity since ladies is fans too gon brush ya shoulders off) of people who invest as much time and energy rooting for the same team. The energy from being at the stadium, the local bar, even now just logging on twitter.

Then of course there’s the entertainment value. My favorite players who aren’t necessarily on my team are the ones who just flat out entertain me. There’s certain events that I just can’t miss, I remember LeBron’s first game, Stephen Strasburg’s debut, Shaq vs Kobe, Ohio St vs Michigan, sports are a spectacle. Even the most casual fan can’t not watch the Superbowl. The drama of a game 7, watching a record being broken, an inspiring back story, there’s always something to be watching for.

There’s so many more reasons but I’ll wrap this up by saying the experience. The underlying element you’re about to witness, feel and experience something you never have before or will again. Whether It’s a gracious victory or an agonizing defeat, when It’s over, It’s over. The greatest writers and analysts in the world still can’t quite recreate it. It can’t be undone (no matter how many times the NCAA white outs the history books and says something didn’t happen) can’t be done over. So as I sit and watch the Bruins or whatever NBA game is on tonight I know that win, lose or draw this will never happen again so I minds well enjoy it now. That’s sports.

-Stan-

Today’s Word is… KISS

As you know, I consider myself a chauvinistic counter.  Why chauvinistic? It sounds cool.  I love “the chase” if you can call it that, it’s more of a beckoning, chasing implies you’re the only one with something to offer, basically, I want you to want me *Miguel voice*.  The wooing is typically apexed by that first kiss, while I typically like to kiss anyway, it’s that first kiss that let’s me know, Game. Blouses.  All kisses are not created equal, I’ve had my fair share of bad ones, and if the studies hold true that the average person will have 28 first kisses in their lifetime, I have at least a dozen more good or bad to experience, well unless I get married on something.

Way back when in “Underrated“, I told you about the worst kiss I ever gotten, need some gum just thinking about it *shudders*.  From that awful kiss, I knew I would not want to be with her romantically.  As Eminem said, “You only get one shot do not miss ya chance to blow”, pun intended.  Other times, I took the bad kisser anyway, even though the poor kissing chemistry was a prelude to the relationship that would follow.  But what makes a one a bad kisser. Men are called out a lot, women not as much.  Why? Because men don’t care.  Well we care but we’re more tolerant of the kiss challenged; we’re focused on the ultimate goal

But as I said, a bad first kiss usually sets a precedent. Like Ol girl without #daBreff I was instantly turned off (not that I was much in the first place) never mind she would dare to kiss with her breath smelling like stale yoga pants.  I mean don’t you taste your own breath, why you think Pam from Martin never got a steady man? Another example; Madame, was a pecker.  Her mouth as closed as she was emotionally. Bazinga.  It was a power struggle she would want to peck I would want a wee bit more affection. It would represent our relationship she continuing to give me the minimum and me wanting more. On the other end of the spectrum, was another girl who damn near ate my face.  She was too open, too easy, and I may or may not have used it to my advantage.  All in all a bad kiss is the ultimate buzzkill.  All the leadup to…..that? It’s like the ending of Harry Potter, 8 damn movies and he killed him in 5 minutes.  That’s some old bull….wait where was I.  Oh yeah kissing n sh t.

Of course, there’s the good ones which are tricky as to whats to come.Sometimes love, most of the time just intense physical attraction.  Some people are just naturally affectionate but to you (or them) it feels like every romantic movie scene they ever witnessed.  Perhaps it’s silly to put any stock in something someone else finds meaningless, enter worst kisser #4, random drunk elevator girl in college, but so far the correlation has been better kisser = better chemistry = better relationship.  I think I might could be on to something. Or not. Shrug life.

-Stan-