Today’s Word is… INNOCENCE


I am #MikeBrown

It was about 8-9 years ago.  I’m at the local pizza shop grabbing some food, next thing you know I’m getting rock bottomed.  I should’ve just had called for delivery. I’m immediate turned on my stomach and trying to get a glance at my assailant, I see two shiny shoes and an navy pants, it’s the good ol Boston Police.  I’m searched frantically by one as the other watches with his gun aimed directly at my royal blue du-rag, they grab my wallet and let me up and escort me out as the staff and other patrons wonder what the hell just happened here.  I’m stare at the two men, trying to discreetly read their badge numbers in case I got a broken rib of something.  Apparently I fit the description of someone who was reported carrying a gun,  they run my name, nothing.  A girl from the neighborhood passes by and says “oooh Tristan what did you you do” “Being black on a Thursday” I responded. Technically I was right, I wouldn’t fit a description if I was white, but I digress.  The first cop, a mid to late 30s white guy chuckles and shakes his head, the other a taller heavy set black guy wasn’t amused.  Thinking about it now I can see why he was offended, perhaps he didn’t like his blackness being questioned *shrug*.  Perhaps in one of the earlier forms of YOLOing, I became somewhat smart with the officers, my side hurt, I was hungry, and I was a straight A student at one of the best high schools in the city, I only dressed otherwise.  I knew I didn’t do anything wrong so why worry…

That was me. Two years ago.  Even in my early twenties, in spite of being routinely stopped and frisked on my own porch, even after being charged with a felony with no credence just because they could, (intimidation of a witness, it took thousands of dollars and months of going to court for them to realize, the “witness” wasnt showing up was because this “witness” didnt exist, charges ultimately dropped.  I was bailed after a weekend, other friends lost months of their lives for no reason). Even after I got the talks, “dont roll in packs”, “carry and articulate yourself well”, “never give them an excuse”, two years ago, I still didn’t want to believe. 

Then Trayvon happened.

Then Mike Brown happened.


And countless others.  The former two that much more profound because whats more heartbreaking than the loss of young black life is society’s rationalizing of it.  That all it takes is smoking pot, or a menacing photo for masses of people to feel comfortable with your murder. 10 years ago, I thought that my honor roll grades, and respectability was enough. Two years ago, I knew better but I didn’t want to accept it.  Now, I see the light as it coruscates across the country and across the world.

  I’ll never be good enough for them.

My stocky frame, my melanin, strikes fear whether my du rag is in a knot or my Armani tie is in a windsor. I could’ve died that evening a decade ago and my fellow Americans would say “good”.  My parents would to turn on the TV or computer and see outsiders discuss how the world is better without their baby boy.  Maybe the officer would be arrested, maybe they’d be a trial, not for him but for me….in my 16 years had a lived a life worthy that one ought to be punished for ending it prematurely?  At 26, I’m still one bullet away from being a hashtag being on trial for my own murder. That’s terrifying.  I or anyone I love can be the next Mike Brown, the next Ezell Ford, the next Sean Bell and all I can do is try to be a good old boy and  pray.  Not I didn’t know this before, but as I’m watching “respected” officers tell lies, the media amplifying said lies all because the masses would rather a trigger happy white cop play judge, jury and executioner than cross paths with Mike Brown on the street, you see why whats going down in Ferguson is much bigger than Michael Brown.  You see why Twitter has been on fire the past week and a half.   This can’t be life, the game is rigged, people are done standing idly by while police and media figuratively “sprinkle a little crack on him” Dave Chapelle(c).  Yet and still, some people, even black people, don’t get it…..actually I feel like I need a fresh post to vent on that……To be Continued



Filed under Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… REAL


So I got another email, a followup of sorts.  This tims the reader “Peach” (its cheating to give your own nickname but in this case I’ll let it fly) met a guy on Twitter (I guess I did miss one; e-lationship) and after dating each other online now they’re casually dating offline. The thing is she “counts” the online courtship while he wants to start back at one and see where things go because he didn’t “know” her.  She reluctantly agreed, but is now looking back at what WAS the previous year, and is she wrong to feel like they’re a wee bit past a feeling out process. (Yeah yeah yeah insert communication, express wants and all that all advice column speak.)What’s more interesting is the differing opinions on the online courting.   Retell this story out of the matrix, they meet at a bar, talk frequently, hook up a few times, he keeps pressing for them to be together eventually and now a year into it, he says lets see where things go. Now he appears to be the one leading on.  In both instances, those sweet nothings and hypotheticals were empty, the difference is what happened in cyberspace is more assumed remain there and in real life.  For some reason.

People love to pretend “the internet isn’t real” when its convenient to do so, as if there’s not thoughts behind the words, feelings behind them, people behind them. This isn’t the 1995 when the heaviest internet users were creeps, nerds and agoraphobics, its 2014 where everyone is connected.  It’s a copout to dismiss someone on the internet when you, a real person, are on the internet.  Peach’s mistake in falling for a guy from Twitter is no different from falling for the guy who buys her a drink.  Ol boy’s stance to “see” where things are going lacks merit because Peach is as real as she’s ever going to be, so just call it what it is; you told her what she wanted to here, got a couple nudes, a few lovers weekends but that’s all it was.  Been there. Its no different than any other dude lying to kick it in real life.  Been there also. 

I been “Peach” too, investing time and feelings into someone only to have the rug snatched from under me. She plays the internet card while left singing “Am I Wrong” like Nico &Vinz and that song wasn’t even out yet.  LDRs are for suckers.  By rule, people tend to rationalize wrong behavior by dehumanizing the wronged (like an unarmed teenager……nope i wont go there today, stay tuned tho).  Relegating someone to words on a screen or an intimate relationship to online role play drives one mad because you know you aren’t delusional in thinking it was real.  It’s not even worth trying to convince that real feelings was hurt been there as well and just have to move on. to locals only  no matter how awesome this new one seems


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Today’s Word is… SHIPS


So I got a few emails recently, the typical “why is he tripping”, “mixed signals”, “is he creeping” variety.  What was interesting was none of these guys were boyfriends and as someone who’s dabbled in 50 shades of gray area dating, I know that reserving feelings before commitment is easier said than done; feelings gon feel.  However, these complicated “I’m not touching you” like commitments are growing increasingly common because everyone wants the security of a relationship but none of the responsibilities.  Naturally, we’re made to love *John Legend wail* but how do you stay faithful with a phone full of heauxs?  Grow up and understand that infatuations are only cute for so long and understand its incomparable to ones love? Yes.  But that completely derails the concept of this post which is…….the pseudo relationship.  Even right now, you could be in a pseudo relationship and pseudo even know it. *Rimshot*.  As the screaming troubadour Meek Mill says, there’s levels to this sh t.

At the start there’s the….

Imaginationship- A relationship that will never happen. We all have our celebrity crushes who we are dating in our heads. Hi Scarlett. Some people can post a Man Crush Monday or Woman Crush Wednesday and think nothing of it, while others legit come off batsh t crazy.  Hi Elle.  Imaginationships sometimes transcends celebrity and they just go full Morello on you. 

Bepatientship- You’re not crazy; they keep reassuring you that eventually this is going to happen (when the divorce finalizes, when they get right etc).  Except, you squandered all leverage because they get all the relationship perks while you wait only being mildly inconvenienced with a request for an update here and there. 

LetsSeelationship- This a tweener to the previous two; its not a no, its not an eventually its just in flux and you aren’t quite sure how to play it.  This was what one of the readers was describing, while some will still date others want a definitive answer first.  I recommend the former, maybes aren’t yeses.

Chealationship-  Someone living foul.  This is beyond just cheating, its another relationship entirely.  Its a Bepatientship of sorts, although the age old mantra is cheat with; cheat on.  We all can’t be Alicia Keys.

Frielationship- You date, you flirt, you have an intimate connection, on the outside looking in people can easily mistake you for a couple….but you’re “friends” and one of both sides will keep pulling that card out the deck whenever things get too weird.  This was reader 2’s issue.  Who I think was trolling me….things sounded familiar…..

Situationship- Like the last one, all the appearances of a couple….BUT its unofficial so no responsibility over here.    Perhaps one of the most frustrating ones, especially when every problem must we qualified with “i know we’re not together but…” This is perhaps the most common one, the epitome of stable relationship at casual prices.

Prelationship-More official, still unofficial if that makes sense.  Not as manipulative as the others, you’ve haven’t had the talk yet but neither one is using that as a copout to still do them. 

Tolerationship- You’ve been together for a bit, the spark is gone, but you’ve put in so much work its hard to take this L.  That unhappy couple who had only been together 4 years because they been together 3.

I think that’s all of them…Fellationship? Conversationship?  Perhaps I’ll leave it here, evacuationship.  Bars. *drops mic*


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Today’s Word is… WRITE

[Editors Note: For my 2 year Stanniversary, I thought about maybe doing a best of, a where are they now, opening the floor to questions then I thought, why not just take the day off. So yeah, #itstherepostbaybeh]

“Writing, it’s like talking to yourself but in a sane way -Unknown, or again I just made it up. Whatever.

When I started this blog, I wasn’t sure what it would be.  I honestly still not sure what it would be, the concept of SFW is so open I can pretty much make it anything, there’s an infinite amount of words, definitions and interpretations.   Initially I wanted to revive concept from a blog I had when I was 18 “A Day in the Life” where I basically just reflected on my day to day affairs, then I realized a)my life isn’t that interesting b) thats pretty much the equivalent of the type of Facebook posts I hate now.  So I broadened the concept to make more generalized posts.  When I came up with the “Words” idea, there were some words I knew I would write. Words like “Love” “Communication” and “Faith”. Words I myself always read about but never quite defined personally. Others were completely reactionary, such as my reflective family posts, current affairs, which tend to be my more popular posts. I never cared (nor care) about views, niches or trying to show myself in the best light.  What I put forth is me, my thoughts, my feelings, my life, it’s nice when readers understand but I’d be lying if I said I expected them to.  There’s been plenty of posts I begin feeling one way and changing towards the end.  Each post I begin a new adventure, picking my own brain.  Life is the lecture, SFW the notes.  People think I’m being modest when I say I’m not a good writer.  I read other blogs and I’m blown away by the moods set, characters animated, thoughts so elegantly stated.  Myself, I’m just transcribing my thoughts, some thorough others not so much.

So why a blog, and not just a word document?  Short answer Keisha made me.  Long answer, for one I like the process of writing.  As I said before I’m not typically wowed by my own product, the basic concept of taking a single word and turning it into a 700 word narrative is challenging.  Taking a mild rant and spinning it into an amusing post is whimsical.  Second, I like to entertain.  in school I wasn’t a class clown because real g’s move in silence like lasagna. I was more of a sniper, you never knew where or when it was coming but would get my laughs in.  I grew up in a home where sarcasm was a second language, you either had to joke or become one.  Humor is universal, some people are never angry, some people never cry, I dare you to find someone who doesn’t laugh at anything.  Third, writing is just my favorite way to communicate.  I talk fast sometimes, I don’t always hear other people I distract easily, writing is just easier.  It’s organized, anyone can interpret it at their own pace, and it can’t be changed.

This blog in particular captures those three reasons.  The challenge stems from either taking posts I write based off something that happened and I try to restructure around a particular word or theme, or just starting with a word and defining it but in a way that I’m not just writing a definition.  Relating anecdotes are hard, now I see why politicians just make them up as they go along.  I love making others laugh and seeing that others get my sometimes odd sense of humor.  And finally I love the new people I’ve encountered via this blog and others, from all over the world, even if they found it by accident.  I love being able to express myself how I want (give or take grammar edits) and being able to give my unbiased view on the world on my small piece of internet real estate.  That is why I write.



Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… SHAME



So a few years back when I worked in retail, me and my coworkers would all take similar lunches/breaks and watch Maury in the breakroom.  Only godsisters can judge me.  It was a guilty pleasure for us, we even bet on paternity results (did I mention I was a supervisor….a mess, I was.)   For what its worth, even then I knew it was trash television but it was a refreshing break from irritants that are retail customers with inferiority complexes who feel they can talk to you any type of way like they themselves don’t make like $10/hr at some call center (I really hated retail).  Fast forward to recently, I had a day off nothing on TV, why not throw on some Maury for old times sake.  It was like when I tried to get back into watching wrestling, I saw the jig from a mile away and I just couldn’t enjoy it anymore.  Anyway, as I struggled through an episode of Maury I tapped out before Jerry Springer and went online.  Where, well,  there was another episode of Maury.

A woman was telling a story about her “fiancé” who brought her to meet his family and introduced her as a friend.  Twitter chimed in saying she overreacted so to prove her case (to these anonymous strangers) she started to air more dirty laundry to rationalize her own decision in real life to strangers.   Instead of playing to a studio audience of seemingly unemployed people in Stamford, CT, she was playing to a timeline of seemingly unemployed people online.  She was convinced she had to leave, but now she needed to prove it to them, why? I still don’t know.  Just last week, another woman fell for “the Maury”, this time informing the timeline of a woman who was sending explicit photos to her husband and even posting them online (is that illegal yet?) Once again, oblivious to the fact that the TL is laughing at her not with her.

Maybe its a sign of the times that people really have no shame anymore. Everyone is a “hater”, no one is good enough to have a valid opinion on you anyway so why not put your dirty laundry out there?  I always thought Maury and the like seem too outrageous to possibly be real then when I log on and see my timeline abuzz about some buckfoy who lives at home with his mother but flying out followers and by the way he was married, you cant help but feel like you’re in the audience at Maury.  You can’t even point the finger at trash television when we hop on social media and highlight trash.  Not to sound #fakedeep and soapboxy but when does anyone just keep some sh t to themselves?  We’re our own writers, editors, publishers and its amazing what we choose to release.  I’ve been doing this whole blogging thing for 2 years and I’ll be damned if I’m going to expose myself to go viral for 15 minutes.  But maybe thats just me tho.


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Today’s Word is… HOMEBODY


So since Friday, I was invited to happy hour, bowling, day party, night party, another party, a getogether, movies, dinner, between some thigh meats

Well I mean the title kinda gives it away but I ain’t end up doing “anything” this past weekend.  Well I did stuff but none of these things I was invited to.  Part of it was it rained for two days, also I’m cutting back for financial reasons, and the last part was I just felt like enjoying my time at home.  I finished two books, a couple sketches, grocery shopped, cooked, cleaned, ran a few miles, finally caugjt up on some shows via Netflix, wrote posts (yet somehow ended up freeblogging this one right now), sent about 200 tweets, and even watched wrestling for the first time in a decade.  I enjoyed my weekend, and now I’m ready to tackle a new week.  That’s just me tho.

I don’t mind being a homebody, but plenty of people around me seem to.  I have my entire 30s to chill in the crib with a wife and kids, for now I gotta “TURN UH!”, which I’m perfectly able to do and be the life of the party…but in moderation.  People close to me mean well when they down to fill me with alcohol or bless me with their presence but sometimes I just want to be left alone.  Some still don’t get that concept so allow me to break down the common rules of homebodies:

1. Its not a cry for help- I’m perfectly fine chilling at home on lieu of a night of debauchery.  I’m not sad, there’s no lines to read between, going outnand drinking isn’t the only way I unwind.

2. My beach is better- I enjoy my home, I enjoy my TV, my gaming consoles, my computer, my music, my patio, people pity me being home like I live in a cave

3. Sticks and Stones- Loser, Grandpa, Lame, etc. has no persuasive power. Ever. Mock deez.

4. Sell me- I do actually go out, but its on occasions, for something that interests me or I just feel like it.  You’re not getting me in some club just to go, or have me going all the way into the city without any plans or to just be in somebody else’s house (see #2)

Some get it, most don’t.  They can’t imagine someone being able to be home alone and not want to go insane. Perhaps its part that I have friends who have nagging wives, parents and children they’re trying to escape.  I don’t have that issue, my home is where I go to escape not the other way around.  I’m in my fortress of solitude where I’m free to blast music, chat with friends, read a book, build a bookcase, try out a recipe, and whatever the hell else I feel like doing or not doing and I’m perfectly okay with that even if no one else believes it.  I go on dates, I exercise 4 times a week, I grab drinks after work, and I still do hoodrat things with my friends from time to time, I’m a homebody, not a hermit.  I think really what it is that the average 20something’s idea of fun is spending a bunch of money and getting shitfaced. Or maybe I just need a new circle of fellow Murtaughs who too old for this shit. Until then, I’m in the crib.


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Today’s Word is… OPEN


Dear Open Letter Writers,

This is the part where I act as though I don’t really know who you are, it makes me feel self important even though I’m obviously moved enough to write an open letter.  Now, allow me to qualify myself by saying as a blogger, I really get the need for lazy writing I truly do, but these open letters, well, they need to cease.  I don’t understand when these Marge Simpson manifestos became such a writing staple, but writing letters to celebrities you’ll never meet is weird, and lame.  As for you Dom Lemons of the world, calling out black people is not brave or new; you arent Martin Luther King Jr writing from Birmingham Jail, you are writing on a smartphone on the toilet…..please be seated….way in the back.

Let’s stop pretending you’re doing this for your kids, real or imagined, or for the better of your people.  You’re doing this for hits, buzz and e-pats on the back. Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus aren’t corrupting your child, her TV in the bedroom, iPhone, iPad and friends you don’t take any interest in are.  Open letter parents, you were kids right?  Now looking back were the pop culture staples the reason you acted out, skipped class, kissed classmates?  Perhaps you’re parents should’ve wrote strongly worded letters.  Of course, without the internet it would be even more likely no one of whom it was intended would give a f ck, so maybe they could just read it to a bunch of people who agree, well, like you do now.

Oh by the way, stop acting as though you don’t know what you’re going to say in this letter prepped for public consumption.  As someone who himself can qualify himself as an author of a half written open letter I can say that I know exactly where I’m going with this and if a thought did come to me I wouldn’t have to say Oh and another thing, because no one ever implied I was finished, because its a damn letter, who are these people playing the wrap it up music in your head.  You should probably get that checked out.

So open letter writers, I must ask, whats the point of this  Are you expecting a response, do you really plan to go back and forth with Beyonce like Ta-Nehisi Coates and Jonathan Chait? Do you get a purple heart for the bravery it takes to take a stand against no one in front of your readers?  How many E! True Hollywood Stories and Behind The Musics have you watched where the person’s life changed for the better because they read a thinkpiece? Why do you end letters with rhetorical questions?  Is it because no one will answer these questions so by default you win?  Anyway, even though I wasted my own time writing this letter, its time to be cool and nonchalant again.  DO YOU(did you really think I wasnt going to have pointless caps like I’m Tweet Mill) open letter writers, get them likes.

I’m just saying.


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