As an adult male, sans online you make new male friends primarily off a shared experience, run ball together, live near each other or work together. You can make new female friends the same way but there’s also the accidental friendship; one of you tried to pursue a relationship, the other turned down (for what) this offer and now you’re left with two options, chill in this here friendzone or take your ball and go home. The former is usually the option since people hate appearing bitter even if they feeling some type of way about this curve they just received. For what its worth, I think more people should be bitter, sometimes its okay to say “you broke my heart, so f ck you”. Friendships are just as optional as relationships, there’s truly no need to be in one that doesn’t make you happy.
Perhaps it is because bitter is such a loaded word. It’s synonymous with hating, “who hurt you” and rancor. No one wants to appear bitter, be called bitter or even admit to themselves that they are bitter. It was a struggle that I have fought myself plenty of times. From back in the day, all the girls I had a crush on around the way called me their big brother, me and Dessi having regular conversation like a heartbreak didn’t happen, remaining civil with an ex and us both pretending we’re not in love with each other. Men typically are used to swallowing this bullet anyway, I’m not going to be churlish with someone just because they choose not to be with me (of course I’m speaking for men, not buckfoys who seemingly have no sense of coping skills). In that same sense, there’s times when I realized that it was no point in keeping up a facade and saw my way out. (Which always seems to turn the tables and now she’s sweating you but that’s besides the point)
You can’t make someone stop feeling, stop hurting or even swallow the rejection to maks your life easier. Its something I’m learning still. When I’m on the other side of the table, I have no control on whether they want to stay or go, just as none of my dreams deferred had a choice. However, the key is still to make a choice and not waver. Don’t tell me you’re my friend and all you’re doing is trying to woo me, don’t tell me you’re my friend and passive aggressively unload your hurt. Don’t tell me you’re my friend and really you’re just planning to flip the script so you can then reject me (this last one might’ve been me a few times, but I’m petty. Jesus is fixing me. Judge your auntie.)
Rejection sucks. It hurts worse then stepping on a lego at midnight or getting a charlie horse mid coitus. What I will say is, even if I initially planned to
give her that work be more than a friend, some of my closest homegirls I wouldn’t trade for the world. Depsite the fact, she probably was planning to put my face in a figure four leglock be Mrs Stan Gemini and was denied, I would hope one could appreciate me as a kind, supportive, friend. And I give great hugs.