Today’s Word is… ANNOYANCES

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Lowkey, im kinda impressed by the creativity

So on Twitter, there was the 48295th debate on men’s basketball shorts and the women who long to steal them.  It’s a popular topic amongst Twitter folks primarily because its a playful fight between sexes that can never quite go left.  Personally, I’m petty you start touching my stuff, I’m touching yours.

*Looks at cabinet full of Tupperware he never bought*

“Stealing” is just one of those relationship quirks you really don’t think about until the glow of newness starts to fade then it gets flat out annoying.  You used to love when she ate off your plate and she did a little dance as she chewed because apparently she’s 5, then after a few fights, you know what, no one told your ass to order a salad.  I knew it was the beginning of the end of a relationship when we were arguing about whose carmex it was (it was mine tho).  In the honeymoon phase things of the sort are cute, but then as time passes…..eh, not so much.

This blog is kinda like one of my “quirks”, I write about my life and people in it to strangers.  When I first tell women I write, they love SFW, will read every post….then it becomes “oh, so you buying chicks drinks now?” “Was that about me” “I didn’t know you still talked to her” and ultimately “I can’t read anymore because something is going to piss me off”.  I go from witty to an asshole, real quick, real quick whole squad on that real sh t. I’ve gone from homebody to loser, stocky to fat, frugal to broke, flirt to disrespectful.  Can’t argue too much because in that same vein there’s plenty of things I tolerated  that got real old once the shine wore off.  Like stealing basketball shorts. And food. And carmex. And that $10 laying around the house you know you drop

TV habits- I don’t watch much TV, I have a few shows I like and otherwise its Sports, News and Documentaries.  Then you start dating and you see there’s 284 reality shows about some women who used to date someone who used to be famous, wedding cakes, and teen mothers

You don’t have the answers Sway- Theres problems and there’s solutions, its why I work in Finance the numbers add up or they don’t.  So when someone vents to me with problems, I propose a solution, and apparently that’s never allowed. I’m supposed to just listen to rants about that homegirl you choose to hang with

Self depreciation- We are all modest at times but after a while I’m gonna need you to accept a damn compliment, or stop talking about the 50leven flaws I either don’t see or don’t care about.

Jealousy- Is cute for all of 15 minutes. 

Let that hurt go- We all end up single because someone broke our hearts or someone didn’t want us.  If its been an extended amount of time and you’re still talking about your ex, guess who no longer cares.

Crying- People underestimate how awkward it is to be around someone crying when you’re not. 

People are annoying.  We know this.  I’m sarcastic, will be all over you and be annoyed by your presence in the same day, I correct people a lot, I don’t like nice things, I’m aloof at random times, I’m the pickiest eater ever, I’m arrogant, and I can make a woman fall in love and break her heart at the same damn time (I did a poll and they are all wrong). Part of what makes love what it is, is that we know this person is an annoying, nagging thief and we wouldn’t have them any other way.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… STAY

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So last week, The IlluminaTMZ released a second video actually showing the assault of Janay Palmer Rice by her then fiance Ray Rice, former Baltimore Raven and June 19ers fantasy player.  I expressed my feelings on the initial video, then again following reaction to his diminutive 2 game suspension, and now the story has been given new life because people are realizing that how poorly this was handled from day one.  Suddenly people are curious why wasn’t he imprisoned, why was he only given a 2 game suspension (ironically enough he would’ve been reinstated today), and of course, why did Janay stay with him and has since married him and to this day is riding out for him.

This sparked an online debate of why do women stay, why do women leave, and why do outsiders even care about what life she chooses to live.  If you’ve been reading this blog or follow me on Twitter, you know I’m staunchly against a man hitting a woman; yes its a double standard, no I don’t give a fuck.  I ain’t pass the the Bar but I know a little bit, enough to know it’s against the law to assault people.  That’s not me concerning myself with people’s private lives, that’s not me expressing fake outrage.  I’m also aware in different eras, this may not have always been as black and white as it appears to me now.

I’ve had discussions with other people who support Janay standing by her family and trying to push forward.  They cite what their grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles have done and sometimes shit just happens.  I don’t agree, but I can understand.  Some people are just conditioned to love being hard, adverse, a struggle, and as I’ve expressed numerous times here, it doesn’t have to be.  I don’t want a woman I would have to strike to gain respect, nor a woman who doesn’t have enough respect for me as a man to strike me.  Yes, we all seen the old grumpy couple who seemingly abhor each other but still together because, where else they going to go.  We’ve also seen women stick around abusive relationships and be killed by that very person.   I personally feel there’s violence where there’s no respect, no respect where there’s no love, but this time I have no law to support it, I’ll just be in my camp they can be in theirs. 

As for my final words on Raymell and Janay, because I legit cannot debate this anymore for my own faith in humanity; what I saw in that video I do not believe was a “bad night” or a mistake.  I’ve knocked out grown men and immediately after felt some remorse, this man KO’ed his fiancée and couldn’t even pick her up or pull her skirt down.  I don’t agree with her standing by her man, but I can understand it to a degree.  I think the NFL shouldn’t be held accountable for what the law should be doing.  I don’t believe that was his first time striking her, for her and their daughter’s sake I can only pray it’s his last.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… UNICORN

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I’m one of those guys who are attracted to quirks.  Of course, I’m attracted to physical features as much as the next guy, but I’m far more likely to talk to the woman with the bomb perfume on than the one with v neck.  I’ll talk to the woman reading a book before a woman on her smartphone.  If I’m at the bar, I’ll probably talk to girl with an exotic drink than the one with cranberry and vodka.    There’s no rhyme or reason to one being superior to the other but different catches my attention.  (#wellactually all these women approached would have things I can use as an icebreaker, but that’s not the point I’m making).  Different is interesting.  Different gets noticed.  Or maybe I just bore easily….shrug life.

So anyway, I got a reader email, and it was the usual, I’m attractive, I’m employed, I’m respectful, but I’m unchose.  Now the curious case of single sucessful black woman is well documented.  Usually from the extremes, the women point the finger at men, the men point the finger right back at them.  Personally, I don’t believe in “hookup culture” no matter how many homely looking, introverted women write about it on Thought Catalog (that felt mean, I’m sorry) or that every dude suffers from some Peter Pan syndrome.  I also don’t believe that women are too independent, too churchy, or too angry.   Really, I think the reason so many great catches are single is because, well there’s so many great catches.  As the reader went on to describe herself, she sounded like 12 other people I know, so the real question was

What separates YOU from the 1000s of other beautiful, successful women in your area? 

Plenty of pretty women cook, are open and vocal about their sexuality, like sports, play video games, don’t mind men who let themselves go, allegedly low maintenance, are hopeless romantics, don’t get jealous, don’t like to club, etc the types of things that supposedly make them “unicorns” are fairly commonplace now, to the point you probably can say men are spoiled by it.  So how does one stand out in a sea of eligible bachelorettes?  Going back to my original point….just be different.  Embrace what makes you weird.  Never know who finds it adorable. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… PETTY

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I’m a writer, or well I play one on PC.  In this past 2 decades, I’ve honed this skill of transcribing my thoughts to words for others to read and enjoy.  When I do talk about my life or others in it, I feel I’m able to remove personal biases to tell the story on a macro level.  I can turn a chance encounter into a story, a fight into a dialogue, I does this shit.  I say all that to say this.   Don’t subtweet me.  It’s literally the most annoying thing ever to see a subtweet/post about you and they do not have the aptitude to tell their story covertly so basically you just telling a whole bunch of people our business.   There’s a contradistinction between me getting stood up and tweeting a discourse on respecting one’s time and a counter of “ugh he gets on my nerves”.  Its write privilege, I’m better at this then you

An old post I found, I have no idea where I would’ve gone with that, or who set me off.  I used contradistinction in a sentence. (A word that could double as a 80s action film or a 2010s Tom Cruise flop) It’s typical pissed me; a blend of petty and angry.  I think my petty and anger are at a fair balance. (Petty people love to accept just enough shame that they appear contrite.)  Yes, I’m probably way too sarcastic, but I’m not going Incredible Hulk at every bad break. (See.) I don’t necessarily like to be angry at all, I rather laugh. I don’t like to argue, I’ll most likely find something to mock and make fun of you until I feel better.  I think that’s a better alternative than anger (But studies say passive aggression is worse than anger.)  I wouldn’t know I dropped a psychology class because the book and supplies cost way too much for an elective. (also said “this some bullshit” and walked out mid class, cuz petty. This was 15 minutes into the first day)  God ain’t thru with me yet. 

We all teeter the petty/angry scale. (Petty people always try to qualify things by mentioning everybody.) More towards petty because society by and large frowns upon anger (especially if you’re black).  From childhood its taught that good is being quiet, good is never challenging the norm (especially if you’re black).  Anger makes people uncomfortable (especially if you’re black), so we cope through alternative, more covert methods like jokes and petty revenge, i.e. subtweets.  People aren’t comfortable with assertiveness on either side either, so again they defer to petty. Most of us can’t tell off our boss (especially if you’re black) but we will call out via email and block their number for the day, or when you’re denied a promotion use back channels and a few murders to take HIS job even if it is the President of the United States (its been 7 months spoil deez).  We don’t have time to argue with customer service but we will hop on Yelp and give a piece of mind.  We tire of arguing with significant others so then its silent treatment and sleeping on the couch.  Or its long winded “I’m gonna get the last word” messages, ignored calls, and of course subliminal messages on social media (or blog rants).  And now we’ve come full circle.

Sure, petty is more socially accepted, convenient, hilarious, harmless, slimy yet satisfying; but more often than not its a temporary reprieve to a larger issue.  (Unless its a note on a windshield, never not worth it).  Eventually will come a time when you’re going to have to not be an ass and be assertive.  Eventually you’re going to have to check someone and trust its far more satisfying to go Mufasa voice on someone than to get a petty comeback.  Just don’t waste it on someone not worth it. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is…NEWDS

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So on Calm Sunday (the Sunday before football season) Twitter was set ablaze with a celebrity nude scandal featuring Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, some others I don’t know. For what its worth, what transpired Sunday was flat out disgusting, celebrity or not.  We have this weird entitlement over celebrities that they can have private photos, posted and profitted on and we expect them to charge it to the game because we watched Hunger Games.  Some pictures came across my timeline, I made a note to RT or go to any site promoting them.  Anyway, per usual when someone does unquestionably wrong sh t, certain people still find a way to place blame at the feet of the victimized asking why were such photographs taken in the first place……because they can, dummy.  Shaming someone for taking racy pictures in 2014 like their auntie wasn’t busting it open on a polaroid in 1994 is just flawed logic.  Its like having your bank information stolen and someone telling you why did you have a banking app. Anyway, surveys say 1 in 5 people say they have either sent or received a nude photo and 2 in those 5 people lying.  The “Soon As I Get Home” voicemail (still a plus BTW) has become a just thinking about you MMS.  When executed properly, its a fun little game and I’m assuming a pre-requiste for anyone in a long distance relationship. Then lames come and ruin the game for everybody.
So do you stop playing? Probably No, just got to play it smarter.  And say no to buckfoys.

When it comes to sexting, nude exchange, whatever the kids are calling it these days, there’s simple guidelines to follow.

Verify Picture is wanted in the first place- Unsolicited nudes are never a good look, its like flashing, but nerdier.  The random dickture has never worked for anyone and ladies aren’t exempt, you gotta at least hint a brother, you don’t know who’s around my phone.  I be just trying to check my email and blam there it is

Your eyes only- Sharing is not caring, I don’t see whats to be gained by showing off for other people unless you want them to start scheming on what’s yours.  These bros ain’t loyal.

Plausible Deniability-   No faces(this is a rule of thumb but I will say takes some of the fun out of it) no tattoos, be aware of your background.  I seen a picture on Twitter of one those exposed celebs who got exposed by a beach towel (also the lengths of creep it took to spot it is just…….go outside and play man). 

Suggestion >>>>- Again, maybe a quirk of mine personally I find suggestion more alluring than fully unclad…that is for purpose, this is playtime.  Tease, tantalize, titillate.

No reruns- That’s just rude.  It’s like giving your new boo a pet name you affectionately called your ex.

There’s An App For That- There’s actually a lot of apps (which lends credence to my point that clearly more than 1 in 5 people about this life) for self destructive messages, hiding photos from the gallery, even apps that “snitch” if a screenshot was taken.  Technology is amazing.

And of course, discretion is key.  Don’t send to who you don’t trust, don’t do what’s not in your comfort zone. And my contact info in the header.  Oh and no posting it online for the world to see there’s a difference between being a temptress and being thirsty for attention.  But most of all have fun with it and don’t think too much about it.  Its pictures, its silly, but so were answering machine messages with music playing, text signatures and jersey dresses.  So if we’re going to be dumb, at least we can be smart about it.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… UNRETURNED

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Well said, Charlie. Well said.

I remember the first time I was asked out.  It was back in high school, a new transfer student who knew no better than to like my dorky ass, had asked me out to a movie or something, I was seeing someone at the time, so I……said yes.  I mean, it was just a movie.  After the movie on the way home talked she finally asked what was actually happening here, I told her I liked hanging out with her but I was “in love” with my girlfriend.  She was crushed.  I was crushed.  I never had turned down (for what) anyone before.  It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.  I was always the guy getting rejected now here I was on the wrong side of a curve.  How did other people do this routinely?  I couldn’t get used to it.

Still not used to it. 

When we talk about unrequited love, its often from the perspective of the rejected, never from the one who just cant return those feelings.  Perhaps its privilege, there’s not many ways to say “woe is me, these people like me and I don’t want them back, wah” without sounding full of yourself and because internet, there will usually be someone ready to humble you.  Being desired is widely accepted as a positive thing; don’t overthink it and take the flattery.    But I’m an avid overthinker, so when someone loves me unrequitedly (that’s a word, just don’t try and play it in Scrabble at Game Night. Also I need more friends who have game nights) I often wonder what is it I’m doing wrong?  Was I leading on?   What vibe is she picking up that I’m not? Why can’t I just return those feelings?

Sometimes I forced the issue in the hopes that maybe she’s just a few paces ahead but I’ll catch up.  I don’t catch up.  And whats worse you put Nala in danger now that hope I gave is only going to make the ultimate rejection feel that much worse.  You would think I know better, as much as I’m rejected myself, but apparently I don’t.  Now she probably hates me or will eventually, its just a matter of matter of how she wishes to be perceived.  As I’ve said before, the most awkward thing about rejection is toeing the line of being bitter.  There’s no right/wrong side to it, on one end no one is ever obligated to love you, then on the other no one is obligated to like you.  She can’t hold it against me I don’t feel the same, I can’t hold it against her that she says f*** this friendship.  We can’t, but we will, because we’re human. 

In a perfect world, all attraction would be mutual.  I don’t want anyone to want me unless I want them. 

[That reminded me of this quick sidebar: So the other day, a follower posted a picture of this girl with "smash or pass" she was the typical bathroom model, body stacked I didn't find her face cute so per the rules i responded "pass", somehow the girl saw past the hundreds of other thirsty responses and decided to engage me and let me know how she didn't think I was cute either blah blah money haters that usual stuff people without actual comebacks say, never mind that I'm not the one sending pictures of myself for others to rate/judge/thirst but the fact that all her attention that morning went to discrediting my lone nay vote speaks to the idea that some people have egos that must be stroked even by people they "are in no way attracted" to.]

Anyway doe, I feel it says a lot about a person who revels in romantic interest from someone when they have no desire to do anything with it.  For normal people with compassion, it’s not a pleasant feeling. Superficial crushes are a different story, we tend to harbor less guilt when we know they don’t know enough about you to actually like you.  Real romantic crushes, its like you find me attractive, appreciate things about me, want to commit to me, love me with all you have….gee, thanks but no thanks.  That just will never feel right to me.  I don’t know how some people do it.

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… HURT

So recently, the above video went viral featuring some gentleman, presumably from New York(“You Grimey Son!” the most New Yorkiest phrase ever uttered) freaking out after his girlfriend, his world, his cinnamon apple (I cant mock as im just as lame with pet names) is leaving him. Who knows what he did to deserve this fate but by threatening to humiliate her by posting pictures (yet he’s the one who’s being embarrassed, score one for karma) he’s hard to pity. Now we’ve all been humbled, we’ve all been angry but I cant think of anything as low as publishing intimate photos on the internet. I can, however, relate to his hurt, relate to his pettiness. Hurt makes you do crazy things.

As someone who may or may not have

-sent flowers to her with a passive aggressive ass card

-sold our prom tickets for a throwback jersey

-called her mother on her birthday and intentionally forget hers

-stood her up in the middle of the city

-saved a Valentines Day gift and gave it to someone else the following year

-went on Instagram and “unliked” every picture

-#heyboo’d her best friend (never pulled the trigger i just wanted her to see these homegirls ain’t loyal)

That’s not even including the classic drunk dials, long winded messages and sleeping with someone you regret(that someone being the very person you were trying to over in the first place). Ultimately, I came to regret everything (maybe not the birthday thing, her mama loved me) because when the dust settled all you’ve done is burned a bridge. Breakups are humbling and embarrassing and not everyone, see video, can handle such a traumatic experience. Thats only amplified in an era where your mental breaks are being filmed, you can look on your phone and see 3 dozen people “like” that your girl is single now, or your Twitter rant is a click away from going viral. Hopefully, he calms down and doesn’t hit send on something he cant take back, hopefully she doesn’t take him back (cuz crazy) and he grows from this just like I and many other dudes have. Just throw on “Say You Will” and your best I ain’t crying face and soldier on until it don’t hurt no more. Damn, now I miss my caramel sunflower.

-Stan-

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